Sunday, January 15, 2017

I Love You

This chapter is probably something worthwhile to be in 2016 review. I guess now I feel inspired to write this down.

[Summer]

You turned to me, after 'Good Night' and you said the three words. It was a long night after a pour of emotions. I was caught by total surprise and I did not know what to react. It was too flattering, I felt the need to thank you, kissed you on the cheek and we fell asleep holding hands. The heat from summer probably contributed to our chemistry during the short time we had. Till this day, talking about you still gives me butterflies. A small part of me knows that you are always going to be special to me, vice versa too. 

Things had changed since we first met. We were like before but it was not the same anymore. What was new, was the honest communication about our relationship. We were clear with our directions and intentions. What had changed, was our emotions towards the relationship. We were not in sync with each other lives for months, and a lot of additional stuff had been introduced into our lives.

It had been a long while since I last heard your voice. Hearing your voice made me emotional. I have found calmness and security with that tone of voice. And to be assured of the appreciation of the friendship from the other side of the globe, made me happy. 

All of the sudden, I miss you 

[Winter]

We were holding onto our struggles in setting grounds for the relationship. I wanted so much to give us a try. I tried to please, I tried to adjust, I tried to change. On the verge of calling it a break, I said the three words. It was out of desperation but it was not a lie. For me to say it for the very first time, I think it was huge for me. 

Like the harshness of winter, you brushed it off. These words to you can be gone like the wind. At that very moment, I knew it was over. Maybe I felt slightly embarrassed. But I could not take the amount of negativity anymore. Till this day, it still hurt recalling the end of it. 

Determination held me on, not even curiosity can fight it this time. When a woman made up her mind, it was almost impossible to change it. The love might be there, but we were both holding to our identities strongly. The love might be there, but perhaps it is not meant to be. And those were our last communication.

Sometimes, I miss you.

*

It is funny. Both firsts, with so different outcomes. That's life isn't it, filled with decisions, happenings and outcomes. I wish I could keep it simple and straightforward most of the times. Hopefully the Minimalism project can teach me something in this.



Inspired by La La Land and my true events,
Wen Xin