Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Why is it so difficult?

I blogged in my 2015 review that the theme of the year was letting go. While I thought I have let go all those which do not belong me, God has tested my will once again. This time, He wants me to let go something which was probably the dearest of 2015. 
And gosh, why is it so difficult to let go?

I would like to blame my friend for his constant 'likes' on some Thought Catalog articles. See here and here. Though how much I want to agree how cliche and non-critical those articles are, I could not help myself but to nod all over. Those words perfectly capture the sulky and bitter mood of mine.

Not a day goes by that I am not thinking about it. Not a day goes by the heart does not sink when I think about that very day. I have so many questions floating in my head, but I am convinced the answers do not matter. It would not have changed anything. 

The grace period of 3 months is up, and your wake-up call came reminding me the other day. I said enough! for that day, I will have to say enough! to this state. I wish I could stick to the idea to remember the good times, but perhaps it's not that easy when you are hurt so badly, by someone you have cared so much.

I have seen it coming and played it in my head, but I did not expect it to come true, at least not this way.

Wen Xin

Thursday, April 21, 2016


So, I finally found out what is the significance of 4/20. I saw it almost everywhere these two days. Then I found out, it was National Weed Day. You can google all stories behind 420's association to weed. But here, I want to tell my story about weed. 

I remembered the first time I tried shisha, it was at an middle-eastern restaurant with an old friend. I remembered the first time I tried smoking a cigarette, it was at an alley across the street from where I lived. I remembered the first time I tried smoking weed, which you called it a joint, it was at middle of nowhere. 

You took out a bag of suspicious-looking substance. There were more tools with it. After three minutes of preparation, you offered me your joint of weed. I felt like a rebel, I felt like I should not, but I am always up for new experience. I took my first breath in, and heaved. It felt like cigarette to me but a friend assured me it is not the same. I took the second breath in, and it felt better. 

You taught me how to pass on the joint, as I was clumsy in it. You taught me how to cheers with the beer bottle, by looking deeply into the eyes. You taught me how to travel, with your rich experience and courageous instinct. You taught me how to live, by seeing how others lived. You taught me how to love, in such a short amount of time.

Every night, I see you rolling a joint as your nightly routine. As each day passed with the routine, our relationship developed like an exponential function whenever weed was present. If I recalled correctly, there was an introduction, then a trial, then a rejection, then a make out, then a cultural exchange, then a confession, then a climax, then a downfall, then an ending. It was eventful with sweet memories. 

It was 4.20 somewhere, in another continent. And I am wondering how have you been. I wished we were more just a fairy tale. You gave me so much to remember. And I will never forget you as the first person who gave me the weed experience.

Wen Xin

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Living without Money

My time in Australia has not been utilised on the academic purpose, which one day I might regret painfully. However at this moment, I am certainly glad that I have learned something so fundamental that I have not been able to discover while being a student since five years old: live. Almost three years in Australia and I have attempted and still learning on different types of lifestyle.

In April 2012, I tried living as a semi-vegetarian, one of the reason being I don't feel comfortable treating animals cruelly and differently. I have an active lifestyle with regular cardio classes. Last year particularly, I learned about minimalism, to let go of materialism. I want to be able to control wants and needs. It has worked quite well for 2016, then I discover this idea of waste-free lifestyle and now cash-free lifestyle. Someone recommended me this documentary, Living Without Money.

It started off with conversations in Italian, which excites me when I could understand a word or two. Then it switched to German which was the native language of this lady behind this inspiration. Years ago when I decided I wanted to pursue Finance, because I was good at Mathematics. Then I learned that everything revolves around money and I was interested in behavioural finance; not interested in learning how to make money but how the financial market worked. The more I learned, the more despised I get with the idea.

The monetary system and the financial market are great, but people became so delusional with it that they stopped being humane. People cheated each other of for money and for more profit. We earn and produce enough, but we don't distribute evenly. Even though I am in support of equality but I know the world's nature is never about equality right from the start, and I do not foresee it changing to be any positive any time soon.

I might carry a slight pessimistic view to this world. But what I do hold optimistically is myself which I have control of. My time in Australia has open my eyes towards the simplicity in general. To keep everything simple is actually challenging. Most wants and needs are created by capitalism. We could have survived with a lot less essentials but we are being influenced by materialism.

In December when I was at Western Australia, my travel partner's car broke down in an unsealed minor. The owner of the homestead towed us to his paradise after 3.5 hours of wait. The experience open my eyes to the idea of self sustainability. Simply planting their own vegetables and farming their own meat, shower by processed seawater and conduct electricity with solar power. It was amazing.

I was being lured into Multi Level Marketing by using the tagline of achieving financial freedom. Most goals are luxurious house, travels and cars. How much is enough? By the time we achieve the financial freedom goal we set 20 years ago, we observe the surge of money because of inflation or lower purchasing power, or simply another need/want is being created like the smartphone phenomenon. I believed it works but it was against my principle that I do not want to be part of.

I worked for 12 days and it was enough for a travel trip to the final state of Australia I have not been to and an action camera to document my travel adventures. I might have been greedy and I lost 1/3 of my hard-earned cash to scams. It was heart-wrenching, partially on the money I lost, but more on the despicable humans behind it.

A lecturer was a strong advocate on bitcoin and believes that the bitcoin system will takeover the currency in Australia in a couple of years. And if that really happen, it'd be really interesting to observe.

The takeaway from the documentary is, it is not what I think it is, we would still need basic essentials which need money to be spent. But it certainly enforces my idea of living with minimalism and less relying on money. There are a couple of things more that I need to let go but hopefully it will come by with time when I have the energy to deal with it.

Wen Xin