Sunday, May 10, 2015

Want, Greed, Price

I guess it is better to put these to thoughts, before the days come. The days where I marked my calender with two big and red asterisk marks yet I ignored each time, telling myself that I'd eventually have time to work on it. I started counting down when it was 30 days away. I have sacrificed and let go so many things for this dream of two years. This journey might really come to a halt this time, and it might be best to summarise this in three chapters.

Chapter 1: Want
Perhaps everything started with this word. I want that bar of chocolate, I want love, I want this, I want that, I want more. One of the biggest lesson from 2014 was 'less is more', But I never settle for less, in fact the weirdest and stupidest fact about me is, the easier things are, the more I run away, towards something more challenging and impossible. Same as this journey, I don't need it but I want it. 

Chapter 2: Greed
Perhaps I wanted too many things, the passion is divided into so many things that I wanted to put my name on it. Greed is dangerous, it is an illusion that convinces you that you should achieve as many as things in the shortest span of time. Three of the major commitments hit the peak at the same time, that is something I did foresee but I did not prepare well for, physically and mentally. As a result of Greed, I might lose all, which I couldn't afford.

Chapter 3: Price
Perhaps one of the biggest challenge for 2015 is letting go which God has taken so much away from me. I have lost so much of important and special things this year. I am afraid He want me to let go of this ambitious and unnecessary dream. But if I RSVP to an event, I would make a point to attend even though I might not enjoy or I know the party is not meant for me. Take me to church this time and I know He will stay with me throughout the journey. I will finish this off, no matter how it turns out.

At least I tried,
Wen Xin