Sunday, May 3, 2015

Thoughts

I come to my blog whenever I need to express something. Well, a couple of thoughts below:

Another week is closing and I am one step closer to another cycle of judgement day. I really do not how to to pull things off in 10 days. Last year was a miracle, but last year was way better, at least I had a break and responsibility-free. I am literally on the verge of giving up, at the cliff of falling but holding on to a rope.

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Is it bad to always assume the worst would happen? Because if you have assumed the worst you can possibly imagined, the outcome should usually be at least better. Is it sick that I found pleasure from this, that I am happy that things worked out?

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I treat people the way how I wanted to be treated. Some times I tried pleasing people as I think it makes people happy. But sometimes, when I did some mistakes, inconsiderate or speak the wrong words, I feel guilty. I don't remember a time when I snap, even when the person was furious. Owning to my mistake and wishing people could accept my apology like how I did, but no, you don't get the same treatment when you cross the line, even that line is thin.

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I guess accounting really isn't my thing. I am usually interested in assignments, but not this one. Not even when the assignment is due in 3 days, I am not even panicking, yet.

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I am a worrier. And sometimes I wish there is someone who could stand up and say 'don't worry, stay calm, I got this'. I do overthink in things. But if some things that can be amended and I didn't spend some time thinking, I'd blame myself for the outcome. It's just when I was growing up, I learned that nothing good comes easy. If you want something, you fight for it, constantly trying and improving.

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I will gradually quit Twitter, might keep it to follow some friends and hashtags. But judging by my deteriorating rate of using it, I might bid Twitter farewell on the first anniversary of joining Twitter, which is soon.

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My volunteer team is in Nepal. Source: . One day, I will be there with them. The political fight campaign is painful yet perhaps necessary. But I'd rather fight with my team in Nepal, and fight for a better life for those victims.

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Why am I even excited about Mayweather vs Pacquaio? I don't even wear the boxing gloves until 4 days ago. Well it is dubbed as the Fight of the Century, and I followed the news. Knowing nothing about boxing strategy or technique, I was rooting for Pacquaio. We all want the good man to win.

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So much money and attention on this fight of the century and the arrival of the royal princess, especially for the event, so so so much money. But am I saying that the money and the attention should go to the needy ones like Nepal or other places? Technically yes but realistically no. There will always be inequality.

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The heart-shaped post its I had on my wall, has 'sacrifice' at the middle. To remind myself of all the sacrifices needed for a greater good. I am not sure how the coming weeks will turn out and if I can hold on to what I wanted while sacrifice so much along the way. But I guess when there is a will, there is a way. Once awhile, you finally realise how much and what you will sacrifice for something. And surprised that others are not sacrificing as much as you expected. Lesson to self, do not make a decision because of others, and do not rely on others words or promises.

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A committee just delivers the best news ever! I was jumping up and down with joy. Along with the current three other ongoing commitments, the organisation is draining me. There are a lot of hidden reasons behind an event, same as Malaysian Night 2014. It hides my interpretation of Malaysia, carries an experience I missed or I wish that Malaysians reminisce and non-Malaysians understand. It takes risk and effort where not many know. The news came at the right time when I was feeling low and helpless. It's good to know there is a team behind my back and I am absolutely not alone,

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Let's end this long post of thoughts on a high note,
Wen Xin