Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Nothing At All



This summer
You left me alone
I realise
That we both are too different

I can see where are you heading to
Too bad I'll never have the freedom

What took me so long
Is the slight hope I hold
I thought I'm strong
 But I was so wrong

How did you let me go
Why don't try to hold on
What hurts the most
When it's nothing at all, at all

Last winter
I hold your hands
I realise
That we are quite similar

I can sense the sorrow and the pain
Too bad I never dare to ask

What took me so long
Is the slight hope I hold
I thought I'm strong
 But I was so wrong

How did you let me go
Why don't try to hold on
What hurts the most
When it's nothing at all, at all

I can't take it
I am waiting
Like a fool
On other side

I stop myself 
From feeling upset
Like a river
It never stops

I just wanna cry no more
Knowing that you're gone for whatever you are fighting for
I just wanna know one last thing
How do you feel about me

What took me so long
Is the slight hope I hold
I thought I'm strong
 But I was so wrong

How did you let me go
Why don't try to hold on
What hurts the most
When it's nothing at all, at all

*

'Nothing at all' is the third official song I wrote on relationship. The song is expressed in the distinct three feelings I felt; sad at the verse, disappointed at the chorus and angry at the bridge. It tells the difference and similarity I had with this person, on how things start in winter but end in summer, on how I have been since it ends. Yeah that's it, that's all, nothing at all. 

While the four questions in the chorus are connected, but it was actually four separate questions on different contexts. How did you let me go or you weren't holding me at the first place? Why don't you try to hold on to the option that there is an alternative? What hurts you the most until this thought can even come up? When does all the things you built means nothing at all? Further twist can be done for more questions, but I think this is it. 

2015 has been eventful so far, and this event is definitely the first unexpected one. During the first week of January, I wrote down in my planner as a reminder: 'In the event a distraction pops up, acknowledge it and tell yourself 'NO DISTRACTIONS', focus on your goals.'

The birth of this song was initiated on Sunday after a football match. I was alone on a crowded bus with earphones plugged to my ears. It was playing Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey on repeat until I reached home. Within half or an hour, the verse was done and the remaining of song was completed two days later. It was also partially inspired by Back to December by Taylor Swift and a song which is stuck in my head for years. I always thought it was Kelly Clarkson's but to no avail, I couldn't find it.

Perhaps I should credit this particular event and thank the person behind the inspiration of the event. I probably don't have the chance any more, but at least I have two songs, inspired by and dedicated to you. What's ahead is ferocious, I am excited and scared, but I am feeling optimistic and hopeful. Let the fourth semester began with faith.


Love,
Wen Xin