Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Gotten into me

I guess the stress has gotten into me,
For once I am down because of persistence,
How stupid I am putting myself in such degree,
And choose to endure a test I don't have to.

I guess the pain has gotten into me,
For once I couldn't maintain my record,
How funny I am protecting my ego,
And choose to forgo a life by hurting myself.

I guess the life has gotten into me,
For once I feel things are way too difficult,
How strange I couldn't let things go,
And choose to pretend a person I barely know.

I guess you have gotten into me,
For once I wish I can fall into your arms,
How crazy I am talking to you everyday,
And choose to believe that we will work out.

PS: Facebook fasting, available on Whatsapp and email.

To those who care, it's just a downhill and things will heal.

Wen Xin

Sunday, April 28, 2013

When they say POLITICS, I say THIS

During family gathering when I was young, my dad and my relatives always talk about politics. They talked with such uproar tone that I overheard it, even I was with a pool of little cousins. I was absolutely clueless and I commented 'I hate politics'. I remembered during Bersih 2.0 because it was a day after my birthday. It fell on a Saturday and I had to miss the gym session. I murmured 'I hate the politician'. Mom told me that he was probably the victim. I didn't understand, I still don't.

I am short of a year to vote. If the general election wasn't brought forward in 2008, I would have been eligible to vote next year. Now, my next vote will be on the year I turn 26. Somehow, even though the political fever is pitch-high with wars of backlash, videos of parody, surge of violence, flags of promotions, etc. I choose to stay politically neutral. One may laugh, or criticise this little girl's immaturity to not choose a political side to stand.

However it is not easy to be neutral. Politics has become the 'IT' topic for these two months. There are conversations in college, on the public bus and LRT, mamak stall, in the car, by the gym bench, over the phone... We also have the media war where it is between the traditional media of newspaper and the modern media of social network. We all know the obvious where traditional media is (highly) selective in providing information and holds a hostile view against one party. On the other hand, the flow of information from the social network is clearly dominated by a group of people with burning fire in their heart, aching to break free from domination.

Statistics and Sociology teach us to be bias-free, and to analyse things with standardisation, reliability, validity and transparency. In which, in my humble point of view, our country lacks all of them with these medias. Flows of information are available at their fingertips with a single swipe. We are conformed by societal norms and values, where we lost our right to free will. Worst still, we are now constrained by social media, where we lost our right to know. Yes, we do have the freedom of speech but to a certain extent. We are far from being a democratic country. We are not allowed to publicly criticised a certain party, where it will turn to a whisper when a party is mentioned in conversation.

During my SPM days with Pendidikan Moral, I remembered clearly the moral value 6.2 is Kebebasan Bersuara. Well, I have a memory thing for, dates, orders and sequences. With strict marking scheme, Moral candidates have to write this definition down, word by word, punctuation by punctuation. 'Kebebasan berucap dan mengeluarkan fikiran dengan batasan tertentu bagi menjaga keselamatan dan ketenteraman' which is translated to the freedom to speak and express ideas to a certain extent to ensure safety and peace. I allow you to judge the validity of Kebebasan Bersuara - the Freedom of Speech.

I recalled one of my life-changing event in February this year. I was watching BBC Live on the plasma TV. It was a US television show where audiences were giving President Obama ratings of his presidential effort. 3 people gave him a F. We wouldn't be able to see this in Malaysia, we wouldn't be able to see much debate between politicians, interactions between parties, let it be a commentary session on leaders by the people.

Campaign advertisements are being carried out in a deceiving way, it makes me wonder if is that kind of social values are what the particular political party trying to promote? Is sabotage or invalid assumption what we should be instilling in the Malaysian culture? During my another life-changing event in March, with a panel of distinguish academics, I was asked about what is the Malaysian culture to be brought forward to the world. I answered our mutual progress as a multi-racial community. But it seems like I would have to change to 'backstabbing with unjustified judgement'.

One of the honourable panel tackled me with questions on politics in Singapore. I didn't have command in Malaysian politics, don't even mention Singapore or international politics. But I read about them somehow, somewhere sometime. I remembered I was commenting on the control of social media by the federal government and the lack of acknowledgement between parties.

Surely one party isn't always right, but does it mean one party is always wrong? We are asked to 'remember the good deeds that have been done'. The 'deeds' were mentioned but not justified. I do believe each state government has certainly done some things right (okay at least one thing right), but I hardly read about acknowledgement of achievements and compliments of effort. Even in gym if a participant doesn't manage to complete the full workout, we pat on his/her shoulder or high five each other as an encouragement. Is this culture of attacking with no remorse or no mercy another culture to be incorporated in us?

One party is criticised for not following one of their promised manifesto, but the particular party has certainly fulfilled other parts of the manifesto which needed to be praised. The other party is criticised for producing budget deficit and deteriorating other races, but surely there is somewhere the party did right, and it should be acknowledged by all with a non-biased view when we analyse progress. Perhaps it is true that people will only remember that one mistake rather than thousand good deeds that have been done. With a silly mistake, one could get sacked from the company after 10 solid years of contribution, not even a warning letter but a 'thou-shalt-not-return' notice in 24 hours, based on a real life story.

I would love to say, somehow this crucial general election has brought some festive atmosphere to the country, which are now wildly decorated in blue and green. It is good (yet sad in some cases) to see people are becoming more politically awared, even youth in their teens. It is also admirable that some creative minds and talents behind their supporting party have come out with promotional videos using the trend of Gwiyomi and cute animation with narrations. These are carried out in a rather amusing and non-violent way, if compared to those campaign advertisements and violent cases during talks.

Perhaps they have not considered 'too much of a good thing is a bad thing' from the Karate Kid, the one which is applicable here is 'too much of one thing can be a bad thing'. Perhaps one party should not be overdoing physical and shallow things, but just be sincere and humble in carrying missions. Sometimes, annoyance is caused when one overdoes things to show desperation and patheticity. And this annoyance can cause hatred in a neutral person or even a supporter.

Education has become so affordable and widely spreaded these days. Due to globalisation and the growth of merit-based capitalist market, tertiary studies have become a must. People are becoming more educated and knowledgable than before. The people can't be fooled anymore. The people are certainly in the position to choose, to judge, to not afraid to act, to obtain information from various sources, to adapt for change.

As a newbie in the political arena, I am not in the position to comment on who is right or who is wrong, who should win or who should lose, what has been done or what should be done. But at most least, I am observing this crucial general election, and will hopefully starting to be an avid follower in my home country politics, and cast a pure vote by myself in 5 years time. I wish my political standpoint is shaped by my own readings or findings, but not through influence of the public.

I search for source of inspirations since young. I see politicians in a way of seeing a role model. What they do reflects their values and cultures. I will choose based on the socio-economic culture that a party is trying to promote as long as it goes along the line of my held principles and not violating my definition of humanity. I would love to see the leaders of Malaysia one day and say 'he or she is my role model, he or she has class, he or she has influenced me, he or she has changed Malaysia to be better nation'.

I look at Michelle Obama, she is one classy woman. I look at Aung San Sung Kyi, she is such a strong political voice. I look at Jose Mujica, and unbelieving that he is one humble and true leader. I look at Evo Morales, and he is a man to look up to. I look at the Soong sisters, and they are legends. I wish I can look up to the Prime Minister and the First Lady of Malaysia, and say they are my trailblazers, where it was defined by Emma Stone as 'one who blazes a trail to be followed by others'.

Though insisting on a neutral voice, I believe my post has somewhat led to a certain angle. I can't help it but to be indirectly influenced by surrounding factors. Whatever turns out on 5th of May, I pray for peace in my country. May the people are in safe hands with peace and harmony. You may be supporting a particular party, let it be green or blue, but do remember we are all Malaysians. There is no need to fight or go against each other.

I hereby apologise if my post offends anyone or oppose any of your views. As quoted by my Sociology tutor, 'I am always wrong', my opinion on this blog post is not necessarily valid.

I shall end this with a rhyme of words, summing up my thoughts on this game:

This is a matter of change or continue,
Such a crucial moment with unsolved issue.
I am drowning in a sea of green and blue,
Seeing the happenings with no absolute clue.
Who will win or lose you can certainly argue,
Vote for them who will bring meaning and value.
Don't be a fool or a joke and just stay true,
May destiny favours the one with virtue.

With a burning fire at heart,
Wen Xin

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Ole Ole Man Utd

Refreshed my memory back to 19th July 2009, with my own eyes, I saw the Manchester United squad for the first time. Missing my man, Cristiano Ronaldo, but the festive atmosphere was unforgettable.

I was in Singapore on 13th May 2012, travelled alone for the first time to the Red Dot Island. With a sore feet after walking for whole day, I saw the Manchester United merchandise shop along the City Hall tunnel. Ironically that day was the deciding day of the title between the Manchester rivals. Manchester City cruelly snatched the title from United with 2 goals in a 5 minutes rebound from City. It was heart wrenching for a fan.

Recent years, I don't find myself watching matches, I used to watch my team play. But now, I am just a follower, not even an avid one, just read up news on wins or losses, who in and out of the transfer market. But once a fan, always a fan. It is difficult to forget the history of this team who was so huge in my teens.

23rd April 2013, on my first anniversary of becoming a semi vegetarian, they clinched their 20th title, in great style. A hat trick from Robin van Persie, who came from another great team, Arsenal; no doubt was the man of the match. I have always linked myself with happenings around me, to search a meaning of my happening with the surroundings.

Last year I told myself, if Manchester United win the title, I will able to realise my dream. As all know, it didn't happen. I was left devastated, upset and in immense pain, not for the loss of the team, but my inability to make the dream come true.

This year, I didn't foresee or predict anything like last year. But things prove to me that miracle does happen, and some miracle is life-changing. I have around 7 more days to my flag off of my finals. Come to think of it, it is rather insignificant to study for it. I failed my mocks again, second time in 5 months. It was quite a blow, considered I was confident despite only grasping the syllabus within this 1.5 months with distractions and commitments.

I wasn't upset, at all, just thought I could do better. With Manchester United winning, it is even more faith-restoring and hope-reassuring. Though there is sort of no point studying for finals, but there is always something worth fighting for. It was my worst performance but definitely not a bad mentality. I am still positive of the outcome, knowing a lot of work needed to be done in these 7 days.

I know I would be able to turn things up, and prove to those eyes which doubt me, those who are forecasting a fail in me. I know I am opting for a difficult and stupid route, but with God's bless, I will be able to do it. Life is gonna change soon, it is. And this has to be part of this. Congrats to the Manchester United and fans around the world who rejoice in this victory. May their title can inspire me well to the end of this first year journey. I might not be able to continue the whole journey, but at least end my 1/3 with a bang.

Wen Xin

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Life in an hour.

This was supposed to be updated last week. Summarising a life-changing week so far in 1 hour of cardio workout:

Sometimes I wonder do I know what's that worth, still aren't sure if 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth'. We wish 'We Found Love' in a hopeless place, and try to make it a 'Summer Of Love'.

Sometimes people labelled you as loser, look down on you, deceive you with words, you 'Bounce' back to be a 'Winner'.You wouldn't know when a 'Grenade' is thrown, all you can is to push it to the limit while you can.

'Starships' are meant to fly, dreams are meant to lift you 'Higher' off the ground. 'All You Deejays' turn the beat on as you write life as the music score.

'Yeah Yeah Yeah', quite an interesting life so far, 'Good Life' indeed.

It was the right catalyst last week to get pumped for the trials, with the right music, mood, energy and form. I wasn't planning to go at first, thought of staying at home to study. But something triggered me to go. Things are at God's will. If it's yours, it's yours, a lesson I learned this week.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

See the Light

Before 2013, I read a numerology article on my number (8th), 17 was an important age, the next is 26. Somehow I don't know how thoughts evolve, I always thought my next life-changing age is 21. In the beginning of 2013, the year I will be turning 21, it started with a hope. The journey wasn't easy as I dealt with failures and adventures, heartbreaks and despair.

Recalling what happenned in January till now, the journey has not been easy. A mere 4 months, it is life-changing, the biggest miracle, EVER. My friend asked me what religion do I believe in. I said I am a free thinker, but I do believe in existence of God, just God is not specific. The past few days, my mind is thinking of 'if God were to grant you a wish come true, what wish will it be?'

I will say 'God has given me enough, in fact too much, I have all I ever wanted already'.

Today, I'm telling myself, if God give you a huge miracle this year, you have 20 more days to produce another miracle. Oh God, there are reasons for me to not continue fighting, but this is my nature, I will have to persevere. At the edge of hopeless, You turn my life upside down and give me the best 21st birthday gift ever. Now, I am asking you once more, bless me as I work on another miracle. It might not turn out beautiful but it is a war, worth fighting for.

Thank you,
Wen Xin