Sunday, February 17, 2013

Dear Diary

It has been awhile since I last wrote to you. I am sorry, with all those social medias promoting instantaneous updates. I followed the trend to abandon the tradition diary writing. But I came back to you today because I was feeling weird the whole day.

Woke up with an uncomfortable stomach, and immersed in running errands. Knowing that I'll need to depart to the gym in 1.5 hours, messages to be replied, parcels to be wrapped, and pictures to be uploaded, were all done in a rush. Somehow it was quite frustrating when you have so much to do yet you are procrastinating so much. Sometimes it can be really disappointing when people being inconsiderate and immature. Not understanding that people have so much to juggle in so little time.

Was busy till I totally forgot to have breakfast, workout is starting in 25 minutes! Gulped down a drink and the stomach was churning more than before. The workout was not to be missed after a sinful week of meat consumption and huge amount of food.

Dang the workout was clumsy and lazy. Wasn't concentrating while worrying I might throw up any time. Taking most easy (lazy) options and didn't even manage to go for the intended second session. At least I sweated and restored some faith with Believe by Delta Goodrem.

Continued to run errand in KLCC and back in the gym. Not sure what I am doing is worth doing. People don't seem to understand I don't want a rigid life anymore. A life where you board a train with fixed stations and time durations. There is no flexibility for detours, with directions and ambitions being set with no space for turning back. I tried keeping myself busy, hoping to learn better time management and know myself better, as weird as it may sound. I am barely coping, honestly. There are doubts all the time. I have no source of inspirations like last time. I had Cristiano Ronaldo (laugh if you may). Now I have none.

Relatives came visiting and I pulled all ears, listening to tales and gossips. Life is already dramatic enough with encounters, and people are being so sceptic about it, making the situation worse and uglier. Indirectly, they are making themselves the ugliest. And is this what are the adults trying to show us?

An unpeaceful nap is not helpful in easing my mind. It's the seventh day of Chinese New Year, it's everyone's birthday. Traditionally, we have Yee Sang on this day. Had my third one today, it still failed to beat last year's record. The stomach churned even more after two plates of Yee Sang. There is no apetite of dinner and that concluded a day with no solid food.

Thoughts became even more bewildered. The mood became even more sorrowful. The body became even more painful and lazy. Finished some house chores and immersed in Temple Run 2. Dang it was so difficult yet addictive.

Had a soothing and calming mask, but it didn't sooth my mind or calm my soul. Stomach is still churning as I am writing this.

Diary, God, Ron, if you are reading this, there is one last day for me as a free person. There is a battlefield ahead and the war will be getting really nasty. Am not sure if I will survive, You always bless me in tough situations. I am calling for you again, guide me light through the dark.


Love,
Wen Xin