Sunday, February 24, 2013

Chap Goh Mei

Also known as the Chinese Valentine's Day, the last day of Chinese New Year is the day for singles lure the future partner by throwing mandarin oranges with name and handphone number written. After recovering from yesterday, I spent the day with my team, working on a documentary project. It was always inspiring seeing each of them, small team but mighty heart and noble people.

The body is not cooperating again. Half way through the event, signals of energy depletion are sent. I sensed something was wrong and quickly gulped down half a bottle of 100plus. It sustained, but not a recovery certainly.

Dismissed from the event as I know if I stay, I'd end up like in gym yesterday, crawling and dragging myself. I drove the 5 minutes journey home, with tears. It was one of the moment I realised I am an adult now, I have to drive myself home eventhough I am not well. Lying on the bed, smelly and sweaty, with a can of 100plus standby. I'd need to shower and restore my energy.

Hey I just (haven't) met you,
And this is crazy,
So here's my number,
So call me maybe?

I have certainly met you,
But things between us are nothing,
Even here's my number,
Would you even call me, maybe?

Wen Xin

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Warning: Low Battery Alert

I remembered how annoying it is when the phone gives you warning alert that the phone is in low battery. Today, the ignorance of the annoyance, has a price to pay. Well, my phone is pretty much still in good condition, it's old but still functioning well.

It is not the phone I am talking about, but myself. Half way through my usual workout routine this morning, there was an unease feeling with my body. The churn in the stomach was back and I saw a ring of stars with the left eyes. The workout was still on the go, and I was vying for a release after a stressful week of catching up and juggling commitments.

The body repeatedly sent out warning alerts, that I shouldn't continue. Dismissed the warning like how I did with my phone, I stayed for another 15 minutes. It hit me that I seriously need a break instead of a favourite highest intensity track. Opted for a 5 minutes break and continued. But the form was weak with poor poisture and mentality.

Sinked to the bench, had a brief chat while waves of migraine attacking my head. It felt like the buzz of a timer bomb, each current was strong, and the bomb was triggered but held its way. Made my way through the shower room and it got worse. Left the gym with shaky legs, pale face, and an unease stomach with a huge urge to throw up. Each step I walked was so tiny, mother was far in the front and I had hard time catching up.

Can't even utter 'I might throw up in the car'. This was when the body sent out its final warning, remaining of 1% of battery life in my body. I dragged myself up and lied down on the bed. Body was weak, fingers were tensed, mind was blowing. Gulped down half a can of 100 plus and continued my sleep.

Canceled the 3pm appointment, I can't drive, can't walk, can't think. Now it was approaching 4pm, thank God I felt much better. Probably it had been a whole long week of work, plus an unhealthy diet on the week before.

Haven't been replying the catching up emails with some friends, I miss each of them so much yet there was no time to reply. Miss call and text messages are forgotten. A huge mess of me now, finals are in 9 weeks. It doesn't just take a miracle now, it will take a apocalpyse to ace it.

Like those football stars, when you struggle to find your form, the frustrating level is so high with the media reporting 'XXX's 3 months long goal draught'. In my workout and life, I have not enjoyed a good form or a peak form for quite some time. It's probably time to find it.

Wen Xin

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Dear Diary

It has been awhile since I last wrote to you. I am sorry, with all those social medias promoting instantaneous updates. I followed the trend to abandon the tradition diary writing. But I came back to you today because I was feeling weird the whole day.

Woke up with an uncomfortable stomach, and immersed in running errands. Knowing that I'll need to depart to the gym in 1.5 hours, messages to be replied, parcels to be wrapped, and pictures to be uploaded, were all done in a rush. Somehow it was quite frustrating when you have so much to do yet you are procrastinating so much. Sometimes it can be really disappointing when people being inconsiderate and immature. Not understanding that people have so much to juggle in so little time.

Was busy till I totally forgot to have breakfast, workout is starting in 25 minutes! Gulped down a drink and the stomach was churning more than before. The workout was not to be missed after a sinful week of meat consumption and huge amount of food.

Dang the workout was clumsy and lazy. Wasn't concentrating while worrying I might throw up any time. Taking most easy (lazy) options and didn't even manage to go for the intended second session. At least I sweated and restored some faith with Believe by Delta Goodrem.

Continued to run errand in KLCC and back in the gym. Not sure what I am doing is worth doing. People don't seem to understand I don't want a rigid life anymore. A life where you board a train with fixed stations and time durations. There is no flexibility for detours, with directions and ambitions being set with no space for turning back. I tried keeping myself busy, hoping to learn better time management and know myself better, as weird as it may sound. I am barely coping, honestly. There are doubts all the time. I have no source of inspirations like last time. I had Cristiano Ronaldo (laugh if you may). Now I have none.

Relatives came visiting and I pulled all ears, listening to tales and gossips. Life is already dramatic enough with encounters, and people are being so sceptic about it, making the situation worse and uglier. Indirectly, they are making themselves the ugliest. And is this what are the adults trying to show us?

An unpeaceful nap is not helpful in easing my mind. It's the seventh day of Chinese New Year, it's everyone's birthday. Traditionally, we have Yee Sang on this day. Had my third one today, it still failed to beat last year's record. The stomach churned even more after two plates of Yee Sang. There is no apetite of dinner and that concluded a day with no solid food.

Thoughts became even more bewildered. The mood became even more sorrowful. The body became even more painful and lazy. Finished some house chores and immersed in Temple Run 2. Dang it was so difficult yet addictive.

Had a soothing and calming mask, but it didn't sooth my mind or calm my soul. Stomach is still churning as I am writing this.

Diary, God, Ron, if you are reading this, there is one last day for me as a free person. There is a battlefield ahead and the war will be getting really nasty. Am not sure if I will survive, You always bless me in tough situations. I am calling for you again, guide me light through the dark.

Wen Xin