Saturday, January 12, 2013


Since young, the success of a child is measured by how many A's you can score in national examinations. UK university entry is pretty much straight forward with the meritocracy system, accepting students with A levels score of A or A*. Sadly, it has to continue, in tertiary stage and adult stage, perhaps.

The more achievements you made, the higher you made to the system. 20 years, I have always been on top of the league, I never fell off the game, until now. It sucks to be at the bottom, not on the fact you are at the bottom, but at the reaction of people of you being at the bottom.

At the bottom, there is almost no sympathy and aid, as though you deserve to be at the bottom. All people focus on is the end of the product, but no one care about the process. Remaining to be an unsung hero, the effort does not matter but how many lives you can save matters. Who cares if Hulk does not want to turn to a monster. Who cares if Spiderman just wanted to be with Mary Jane. The society has focused much more on needs than wants.

That we need to be merit-based, but not humanity-based. Falling off the league made me felt second class. I learned from the fall and at the same time, disgusted by those who disregarded me, who think I am worthless. Though how judgemental a person is, it is at most disgrace that a person judges without knowing the background, the personal problem, the encounter, and the happening.

Struggles are meant to be kept in silence, where success is meant to be shown. People talk about how cool the Mercedes car they owned, but not the loan they are paying. Does that mean that if you are not driving a Mercedes, you can't drive one in the future? Does that mean one failure will determine the future? Unfortunately, in the eye of a meritocrat, the answer is yes.

Probably no one thought when Mark Zuckerberg dropped out from Harvard University, he will become a billionaire and one of the most influential person in recent times. Truth is, there isn't many Zuckerbergs out there which have talent, effort, luck and destiny on his side. But one, can always make a comeback, whether it is big or not.

For the first time in my life, I felt I breakthrough the mindset of doing something for the sake of societal need. Do I actually need strings of A and a degree? Yes I do need to survive in the society. Do I actually need marriage and love? Yes it's society definition of good life. Do I actually need money and investment? Yes it is the trade of economy and if you want a better life, you better have do so!

I changed my mindset of I study for the sake of a better self, to fulfil my curiosity and expand my experience. I will have love when God send me the man I desire. Money will come to me when I master the passion of work in life. But the surrounding, is always forcing you to be meritocratic. When I could not master the Introduction to Economics, I merely stopped and breathed. At the stage of life, I just don't want to force myself. I know the time will come when the time is here. But fate, miracle, hope, destiny, don't stop and wait.

Long gone is the egalitarianism, long gone is humanity. I pray for a better world, but the world just keep scaring me off. The more you know, the scarier it is.

Wen Xin