Thursday, January 24, 2013

How is More Salt Better than More Rice?

The chinese saying goes, 'adults eat more salt than kids eat rice'. Somehow, I thought adults are supposed to be much more responsible and rational, because they have more life experiences than us. Recent examples show that I am wrong. Maybe the overconsumption of salt has some effects on them.

Don't get me wrong, I have my utmost respect for most adults. They have gone through my current stage, harder and longer. I look up to them for inspirations from them, of their doings. Hopeful to learn a couple of thing, but somehow the don'ts are pretty much disappointing.

An adult is supposingly to treat the younger generation in a way to educate and guide them. But all I see, is adults have a huge egoism which carries a barrier to communicate with younger generation. I shall not quote the 4 examples I encountered, but dear adults, don't be a joke in front of the young people.

If an adult refuses to give a damn towards the younger generation by adapting the rapid change, not only relationships can be strained, it creates a side effect in the growth.

If an adult does not acknowledge a young generation's views or opinions, don't insult but improve or instill.

If an adult refuses to provide assistance, just say 'No', rather than jeopardising future undertaking.

If an adult thinks the younger generation's quality is deteriorating, focus on the solution but not criticising the problem, and do think, who cause it?

If an adult has no solution or no say in things, do encourage but not dishearten.

If you break hope, you break life,
Wen Xin

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Confession of a Desperado

This is a confession I wrote for 21st December 2012. If the world really ends, this shall be my last words to some people.

To you,
whom I see once a week,
you never fail to make my day.
I believe there is fate,
or at least, there was.

To you,
whom I thought was special,
I hate how things were hot and cold.
I thought there is something going on,
but my presence is actually, insignificant.

To you,
whom I thought a changing point of life,
perhaps time isn't on our side.
You came too early, I joined too late.
All the best in life,
I see you with a bright future ahead.

To you,
whom I hail as my Superman,
I thought things aren't gonna work out.
But I have no choice but to carry on,
eventhough you don't give a damn.

To you,
whom I said I will not be you,
thank you for being a role model,
for your insights and experience.

To you,
whom is thousand miles away,
I miss you dearly,
thanks for being there when I need someone to talk to.

To you,
whom is my new-found Darling,
thank you for being one of the craziest friend,
making me feel comfortable and be crazy with.

To you,
whom must be the most controversial person I met,
thank you for the perspective,
for you have shown me,
types of people I should beware of.

To you,
whom seem to have everything you want,
it is time to grow up and be responsible.
I have no say in your life,
but do understand people are building lives.

To you,
whom can't seem to stop swearing,
I hope you stop downgrading yourself as a person.
There's nothing wrong in vulgar expression,
but some times, words do break things.

To you,
whom leaves out all your primary socialisation,
do remember who sticks with your high and low.
Learn to prioritise know which is important.

To you,
whom are leading your own life,
stay strong when life really sucks.
Continue your journey of enlightenment,
but not to lose yourself in the process.
Continue your pursuit of dreams,
but not to lose your principles in the process.

Wen Xin

Saturday, January 12, 2013


Since young, the success of a child is measured by how many A's you can score in national examinations. UK university entry is pretty much straight forward with the meritocracy system, accepting students with A levels score of A or A*. Sadly, it has to continue, in tertiary stage and adult stage, perhaps.

The more achievements you made, the higher you made to the system. 20 years, I have always been on top of the league, I never fell off the game, until now. It sucks to be at the bottom, not on the fact you are at the bottom, but at the reaction of people of you being at the bottom.

At the bottom, there is almost no sympathy and aid, as though you deserve to be at the bottom. All people focus on is the end of the product, but no one care about the process. Remaining to be an unsung hero, the effort does not matter but how many lives you can save matters. Who cares if Hulk does not want to turn to a monster. Who cares if Spiderman just wanted to be with Mary Jane. The society has focused much more on needs than wants.

That we need to be merit-based, but not humanity-based. Falling off the league made me felt second class. I learned from the fall and at the same time, disgusted by those who disregarded me, who think I am worthless. Though how judgemental a person is, it is at most disgrace that a person judges without knowing the background, the personal problem, the encounter, and the happening.

Struggles are meant to be kept in silence, where success is meant to be shown. People talk about how cool the Mercedes car they owned, but not the loan they are paying. Does that mean that if you are not driving a Mercedes, you can't drive one in the future? Does that mean one failure will determine the future? Unfortunately, in the eye of a meritocrat, the answer is yes.

Probably no one thought when Mark Zuckerberg dropped out from Harvard University, he will become a billionaire and one of the most influential person in recent times. Truth is, there isn't many Zuckerbergs out there which have talent, effort, luck and destiny on his side. But one, can always make a comeback, whether it is big or not.

For the first time in my life, I felt I breakthrough the mindset of doing something for the sake of societal need. Do I actually need strings of A and a degree? Yes I do need to survive in the society. Do I actually need marriage and love? Yes it's society definition of good life. Do I actually need money and investment? Yes it is the trade of economy and if you want a better life, you better have do so!

I changed my mindset of I study for the sake of a better self, to fulfil my curiosity and expand my experience. I will have love when God send me the man I desire. Money will come to me when I master the passion of work in life. But the surrounding, is always forcing you to be meritocratic. When I could not master the Introduction to Economics, I merely stopped and breathed. At the stage of life, I just don't want to force myself. I know the time will come when the time is here. But fate, miracle, hope, destiny, don't stop and wait.

Long gone is the egalitarianism, long gone is humanity. I pray for a better world, but the world just keep scaring me off. The more you know, the scarier it is.

Wen Xin

Friday, January 11, 2013

The First One is the Worst One

Recalling the scenery overlooking Damansara,
You utter something I never heard.
Knowing the harsh truth of the failure,
But is the end product truly reflects who I am?

Trying to hold but it can't stop,
Dying to leave but I can't give up.
A huge miracle revives an old dream,
A dream I don't even know of its validity.

My eyes hurt with dropping tears,
Enduring a pain I truly deserve.
Asked God why the prolonged joke,
Because You make me the weirdest bloke.

Things aren't right when it starts,
Fixing it but happenings are too much.
I said this time I will never make,
But all you say is I am fake.

A second chance for a better ten,
Only if I can ignore and pretend.
I don't even know if I want that,
Am I doing it for the sake of them?

Nothing else more I shall care,
Because 14th is the truth and dare.
I dreamed a dream as time gone by,
But it might be a dream that has said goodbye.

Well said by Boys Like Girls,
Well done by a little girl.
The first one is the worst one,
When it comes to a broken heart.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012 Year in Review

Warning: long and winding post ahead. 

I need to read this in the future, to have a good laugh of my writing and the year as a whole. Just realised, I didn’t write a reflection post on 2011. Maybe my HSC result was so horrendous at the end of the year that it totally stopped my tradition. I remembered crying my eyeballs out for two days, sobbing hard in my office’s bathroom overlooking at the KL view while talking my heart out to my friend on the phone. It was tough, it was painful, it was over.

Recapping the previous years as far as I remembered:

2007 – Peak
2008 – Above average
2009 – Above average
2010 – Growth
2011 – Recession
2012 – Depression

Of course it isn't as bad as it sounds.

The negatives:
  • An uncertain future with no direction, still.
Never have a moment of doubt before about my future, I clutched to the hope that a miracle would happen, to realize a 5 year old dream. It didn’t happen of course but there was a last resort and I thought ‘Hey this could be a detour’. A detour indeed, but I am realizing that it is bringing to a completely different route. Not aware of the consequences and ultimate destination, it is very frustrating at this age where I thought it is my life now and I am in charge. I am wrong.

  • Broken relationships and a broken heart.
Relationships rot at the start of the year and worsen at the end of the year. As people grow and age, different encounters make people change, and change is not really welcomed in a close-minded society. When coping is difficult and egoism stands in its way, relationships are sore and left with a broken heart. Trying to be the middle person and hold things up, are difficult. Sometimes, I am not as strong as I thought. But I have no choice but to keep inducing some optimism in. If not, it will crumble with no one stand tall.

  •  The Procrastination.
Repeating it again, if procrastination is a nation, I should be crowned the queen. I believe this is an issue faced by most. Ain’t complaining but it is definitely bringing things down. Turned 20 this year, usually I will go around and say ’20 only mah’, but I can’t help it but to think ’20 already’! By 21, I should be mentally wise enough, intellectually good enough, physically strong enough, and financially capable enough to take care of myself. But procrastination holds things up, I am holding myself up. I spent all day refreshing Facebook or browsing sites, but not meaningful activities or battles. Procrastination makes me feel more lifeless than ever, particularly this year.

  • Losing faith in humanity.
More issues are discovered this year about humans, behaviours in general. Met a person who lives by the motto of ‘Life is Beautiful’, it is beautiful indeed, but with people in it, things have gotten scarier. Crime’s everywhere, dirty politics here and there, annoying love songs on the air, changing behaviours of loved ones, immaturity of known ones, the eager pursuit of power and wealth, the desperation of cloning one’s life, etc. Perhaps I should not be judgmental nor care about what others are doing for their lives. I can’t help it but I am disgusted.
No huge devastating events happen actually, just maybe my thinking factory has not been shut down, and some of the engine parts need some WD-40 perhaps.

The positives:
  • Reducing the personal carbon footprint by adopting to be a semi-vegan.
Limiting my diet choice keeps me fit and healthy. Though at initial stage, it feels weak and cold with a significant reduction in protein and fats intake. It does feel tempting at times when the fried chicken smells so good. I felt proud for self disciplining myself. There is a glow of radiance with a simpler and greener diet. It is a personal choice, and I am doing for the sake of a good change for myself.

  • Venturing into volunteerism and humanitarianism.
Working along a community with no hidden agenda and solely for a good cause they believe. They are the reasons why I still have faith with humanity. I have learned to manage time better, to be physically stronger and mentally tougher, to be willing to commit and sacrifice, etc. Most importantly, it is a great to help those who are in need and give back to the society. Working with them is probably the only time there is no worries. At least when people are sleeping at homes, partying in the clubs, shopping for more Burberry; I am with these humanitarians and Samaritans.

  • Capturing the moods, daily quotes and whereabouts in a diary.
While most people rely on social medias and online applications, I am still pretty old-schooled, using my red Typo diary to sum up the year. I jot down my daily moods, there are 366 faces in my diary, of a scale of 5 smiley faces, ranging from ‘over the moon’, ‘you smile I smile’, ‘nothing else I can say’, ‘hurt‘ and ‘cry me a river’. Besides, I write down my daily happenings/inspirations in the form of quotes. Most are written by myself, some are shared on Facebook, some are wise words from people I met. Tina Seelig dedicated her book entitled ‘What I wish I knew when I was 20’ as a 20th birthday gift to her son. Inspired by Seelig, the diary, comprises probably 1000 quotes, will be given or shared with someone worth-sharing in the future. Reading back the diary, it shows how much I grow and how na├»ve I am, still.

  • Internship
I survived a 6.5 months of internship prior to the start of university. Working is not as scary as I thought, or maybe I have not experienced the real working yet. Almost every adult I met warned me about the scary working world, urging me to ‘enjoy your university life’. I do understand the political part of working environments, the stressing moments when targets and aims need to be met for capitalism needs, the lack of freedom to do things, etc. But when all those are inevitable, I think work provides a sense of fulfilment for me, that I made something, and solved something. Though I might not be the most capable and successful, I learn a lot from the process and applications, meet interesting people, whether they are sincere, hideous or mere acquaintances.

  • Travelling trips to Singapore, Penang, Damai Laut, Phuket, Krabi, Bangkok
Headed to Singapore for an entry examination, the focus wasn’t on the exams, but the fact that it is the first solo trip. Enjoyed Penang with my girl friends, and discovered insights about friends in general. Won a free stay in Swiss Garden Damai Laut, was a rather free and easy trip. The first cruise trip to Phuket and Krabi, though there were some unpleasant experiences but glad to spend time with grandmother. For the first time, spent Christmas away from home, in Bangkok, where they call the city of angels. It didn’t seem angelic to me.

The achievements seem promising and fulfilling. Those are things I never intend of even have the slightest thought to achieve at the initial point. I was proud of myself, but it didn’t last. My friend had suggested me not to judge the year based on the year end. Come to think of it, the year had been quite fruitful. But not sure why, there is something missing this year. Perhaps although the positives outnumbered the negatives, the negatives found its way to conquer my thoughts. If 2012 is a depression, I hope 2013 can be a recovery or redemption.

Toast to the end of the year, HAPPY NEW YEAR!