Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Doomsday is near.

An hour journey,
Became 3 hours journey,
Second time in three days,
Been raining cats and dogs,
Station is flooded,
God is mad.
Doomsday is near.

People is ignorant,
Ignorant of the traffic system,
Red light beomes GO,
Green light becomes STOP,
Stop at the same spot,
For 30 minutes,
Doomsday is near.

Critical skills we require,
Criticising skills we develop,
Full of complaints on never ending problems,
Full of excuses on every occasion.
Doomsday is near.

Been falling a lot these 2 weeks,
Been picking up myself again and again,
The world has turned upside down frequently,
The world resumes rightside up,
The cycle goes on and on.
Doomsday is near.

Social media is disgusting,
People know everything of you,
What you eat,
Where you are,
Who you meet,
What you wear,
Where you study,
Who you date,
There's nothing private or personal.
Doomsday is near.

Physically exhausted,
Mentally drained,
Intellectually challenged,
Spiritually empty.
Doomsday is near.

Mad at things,
Mad at society,
Mad at people,
Mad at myself.
Doomsday is near.

People never stop,
System never stop,
Time never stop,
Approaching 21st December.
Doomsday is near.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Ain't a Starbuck-er

Never fancy the idea of students spending RM15 for a cup of beverage just to study at Starbucks. Yet, you will be amazed by the number of students who can actually (afford) to study at Starbucks. For the first time, today, I went to Starbucks, for the purpose of study, since I find home no longer is a conducive study environment. Somehow, the ohm loses its spell.

I realise, it wasn't the cup of superior chocolate that inspired the study, but rather, a companion to study with. Not a discussion group, but rahter, a study buddy to keep track of revision progress. Though yes, I would need to improve the lighting at my study area. Revision works fine to me in library, in fact I love library, surrounded by books and hardworking people.

Vacancy for Study Buddy:
1. Purusing a degree
2. Daily updates and motivations
3. Oozes positive energy
4. Only positive competition
5. Plenty of library dates

At worst circumstances, imaginary study buddy is optional :(

Starbucks fired my bucks,
Wen Xin

24 hours, 1 day.

The most painful and depressing truth revealed, are the principles that you are holding on to are victimising and dehumanising. Instantly, it feels like a stab in the heart, in the heart of a societys by-product. I think my Sociology tutor has a hidden power, like telepathy from Matt Parker in Heroes or mind reading from Edward Cullen in Twilght. For he, always get me into a deep and dark thinking zone every Monday noon, with each lesson higlighting my questions on life.

A friend of mine once stated, 24 hours a day is not enough, if we have unlimited hours, I can do so much more things. I said 24 hours are enough, for people will do exactly the same thing with more unnecessary things, life will be wasted. I have been asking myself to study since last week, telling myself to tidy up the room since 3 hours ago. If procrastination is a power, I am a hero.

Ever since studying Economics in pre-university, I stand by the point that efficiency and productivity should be what we are doing to solve problems in this complicated world. I have been practising to be well-organised in each thing. I have a clothes rotation for college everyday, even my travel mate is able to tell my choice of style each day. Well, the style is not intentional but each piece of cloting is. I have a daily timetable planned so perfectly that I don't follow, since my level of discipline has reduced so much.

I hate delays and being late as it is a form of inefficiency. I emphasise efficiency in family's practices until it annoys my mother. I have been telling myself to be productive as it is a race of time until my Sociology hero said why are people immersing themselves into the pathetic rat race of mankind? Efficiency is the biggest vicitmisation where people are pursuing maximum profit and utility everyday, chasing wealth at the least possible time.

Sarcastically, the arrow is pointing at each of the student because they are the ones studying how to maximise profit for the future. And the institution which is maximising the number of students when students are allowed to study 2 months later after enrolment.

Suddenly, I feel lost than ever, like my life has lost its direction. Before this, the path is winding. Now, there is no path, no principles, no values, no meaning, no soul! 24 hours a day is enough to fix a life and to heal a soul. But there is no substance or a catalyst to initiate it. Even there is, the reaction doesn't last and the counter reactitn is way stronger. God, I am speaking Chemistry, definitely has lost myself.

24 hours again,
Wen Xin

Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Sky of Mine, Falls.

Watched the latest Bond film, it didn't have as many actions as compared to the previous ones and the Bond girls aren't as attractive as the former ones. However, among 3 films from Daniel Craig, I feels as this is the one I best understand the plot. It brings in Bond's background in the style of cold humour, and his patrotism to his country is undeniably greater than anything, than the women.

No doubt M is the highlight of the movie, I loved Judi Dench as M. She is inspiring, a strong female character stands out among the men, most younger, stronger and smarter. She keeps her reasoning rationality to solve her country's crisis to cyber invasion. Most importantly, she holds it strong and still until her last breath.

Lately, I have been feeling bored and lifeless. I am awaken by my alarm at 8am every day, shut it and continues to sleep, because there is nothing exciting awaits me, aimless and meaningless. Productive study days only last for 2 days, and the spirit dies. I refresh my Facebook frequently, despite knowing there is nothing much to see. I shut my room door tight, knowing the voice of vulgarity will still able to travel through the slits of door and the thin wall. I opt for naps to shun the unstable mood, negative thoughts and irritating comments coming from the effects of playing computer games. I immerse myself in two hours of intense gym workout, it is tense but inspiring.

Some may know I like watching Bones, the drama where Jeffersonian's forensic team works with FBI Special Agent to solve interesting murder case. The killer is usually one of the suspects and I always try to guess it. I am right most of the times. There is this particular significant episode, where the forensic anthropologist, Dr Temperance Brennan's life turns upside down in three days. It feels like God is trying to tell me a message to give myself a chance. Telling me that I am not alone, when the world turns upside down in three days, it turns rightside up in another three days. It is the fourth day, and I know solutions are needed, instead of whining and crying.

Facebook has been a place of war, where words are the weapons, newsfeed as the warzone and status as the declaration. I find a lot of complaints rather than sharing of good news or spread of love. From my mad refresh, there are scoldings result of annoyance and unsatisfactory, sharings of someone in between we-know-who's wedding, criticisms of intellectuals on matters, etc. I can't help it but to wonder, is free speech that important afterall, when all things you see are merely complaints, but not a solution towards 'the problem'? I just saw this status of someone, probably a quote copied from somewhere saying that 'Maths may not teach me how to add love or subtract hate, but it teaches me that every problem has a solution' and 'If nothing in the world goes right, go LEFT'.

Those destructive status isn't going to make the world better, I live by the principle where as long as a solution can solve a problem, it is constructive and acceptable as long as it's legal and not immoral. Those words are just complaints when there isn't a solution. Worst still, tehre is a solution but being expressed as a whining problem for pathetic likes. If you are unhappy with life, fix it. If you want abs of Candice Swanepoel's, double triple your workout. If the study or work environment isn't conductive, question your passion and attitude. Back to M in Skyfall, she believes that MI6 is the solution to the problem, despite call of retirement, hearing of justification, threat of death and death of people, she persists with 'strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield'. She strives for better, seeks for solution and finds the cause, not to yield with mere complaints. Though death greets her, she greets back with dignity when 'her job is done'.

It has been awhile where the negativity in me is being absorbing like a wet sponge, there will be time where it is saturated with those 'electrons' that you will need a squeeze, a squeeze that make those ooz out and never come back. When the sky of yours falls, push it back up. When it crumbles, hold your values up and continue the winding journey. 'Life clings to you like a disease', and there will be no cure unless you fight it and stay strong.

Wen Xin

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I wonder.

Sometimes, I do wonder, is it a bad thing to always expect the best out of people? Is it worth the heartbreaks everytime believing people will change or they just react out of rage and out of sense? I think I have done my social roles well, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a classmate, as a stranger, as a student, as a human being in this society.

Unfortunately we are highly dependent of each other. Words are no longer used to communicate but to hurt sarcastiscally. Actions are no longer for doing good deeds but to create problems and achieving selfish goals.

Mid year, I wonder how long I can stay strong in believing a scholarship will fall from the sky. All year long, I wonder how long I can stay strong in believing mankind is good, and there is still something we call, humanity.

I need a break, from all these. A wise friend told me, being too smart is not really a good thing. The more you know, the more scary the world is. Perhaps a Facebook fast for a few days would be good, at least it is an escape from reality to find my focus.

Wen Xin