Friday, December 28, 2012

That One Night in Bangkok

I bidded farewell to my companion and left for Central World. It was supposed to be named the World Trade Centre of Bangkok, but the name was changed because of the 911 incident. The mall may seemed like the Pavilion of Malaysia, but the Food Loft was nothing like Food Junction. The price might be the same, but it was of higher class. Wearing a basic pink chiffon top, a Dorothy Perkins jeans shorts and an Everlast slip on, I felt underdressed.

Carried on to the skywalk along the street, there was the Siam Square Street Fiesta, with various Thai street food. While I was walking alone on the street, I saw this beggar. A acid-disfigured man, with his head tilted up looking at passerbys who didn't seem to notice him. He had only one eye, and that eye was not even normal-looking because of the disfigurement.

Once a while, mom told me there was a syndicate who controlled them. They were caught from their country of origin, disfigured or amputated, given poor medical treatment, put on the street on the day and put in a cage in the night. Such an irony when they were placed right across Siam Paragon and those high-ended malls with those well-dressed and high class people hanged out, while across the street, there were people who suffered.

Toughen up and acted like a heartless passerby, I continued my journey to MBK Centre. What I realised was, Bangkok was not much a difference to Kuala Lumpur or Singapore. All were developed, with same kind of malls and brands, walk around with the same railway transit and taxi drivers who marked up fares for profit maximisation. Was there really no genuinity in this world? That one night in Bangkok should have lasted longer. That one night in Bangkok should have been more nights.

God have His plans for me. Overseeing the view of Millenium Hilton, Sheraton and Shangri-La, He showed me fireworks, to remind me of there was still a beautiful scene among the uglies. Upon the arrival in the homeland, He showed my rainbow, to restore my faith in a hopeless place. I am quite tired of falling down and picking myself up. If Sleeping Beauty has a choice, she would prefer if Prince Charming didn't kiss her and wake her up from her sweet dream.

P.S. I did have a sweet dream, do you really have a brother who look exactly like you?

Wen Xin

Sunday, December 16, 2012


Never in my life I have failed an exam paper, this time however, I am prepared to fail. Amazed not, I am still relaxed despite not knowing 80% of my Economics syllabus. Received comments on 'hey you are Wen Xin, you will surely do well'. We will see. Nevertheless I am really prepared for post exam holidays and the apocalpse of 21st December.

I can't wait for my girls night, window shopping, end my movies draught, 3 consecutive hours of gym, Bangkok, 2012 reflection, and welcoming 2013. Honestly, ignore the remaining 15 days for 2012, I will have 4 months for my external exams. 4 months, sound really like a mission impossible.

Have one of the most outrageous idea on life just now. If it were to be done, it will be life changing for the next 5 years. It's either I risk it, ruin it or remain it. Maybe it is just the pre exam symptoms. Or talking to someone can make me sane.

Facebook fasting until end of exams. Or I might extend it until after Bangkok. Probably I should really stop catching up with people's exciting life when I have trouble catching up with my own lifeless life.

Had one of the sweetest dream, if only my dream can come true. At this point, probably I can't afford to have any disruption to my life anymore. The life is messy and lifeless enough. Perhaps it is time to move on. Perhaps I can just stay with some sweetness in the bitter.

Wen Xin

Friday, December 14, 2012

Myself in Two Six

If I were to sum up myself in the 26 alphabets,

Learn this word from Emile Durkheim, describing one as normless. I regard myself as different from others, refuting the society's usual norms.

Comparing my life to others, it is pretty much boring in other people eyes. I don't think it is exciting, but I do think it is fulfilling.

A principle I hold, if only each person can be a lil considerate to others, there will be much less problems, nuisance, hassle in this world.

Somehow, things feel as if it is dead and gone. Dead is the spirit, gone is the will.

Humans are all emotional, it depends on how well you hide it.

Fcuked up
Probably my first vulgar word in public. It is the first word I can think of to sum up my life.

Can't think of others other than this perfect word. Lol. I am not blessed with a gorgeous face, but I do think I have managed to stay classy and appropriate.

Something I wish but can't be happening.

A & N are ironically opposite. G is a lie. M and N is contradicting too.

Can't help me but to judge things and people, it is where observation comes and I judge their lives, their doings, hoping to learn from them.

Kerr, Miranda
Can't think of any words for K. Wife of Orlando Bloom, hot mom of the cutest celebrity baby and model of lingerie powerhouse Victoria Secret, Miranda Kerr is my second fitspiration I am looking up to. Not sure how her real person is, but she has demonstarted class and elegance, and a body to-die-for.

If procrasti-nation is a nation, I am the queen.

Something I am arguing with, with myself lately.

I just want to be normal.

Extremely particular in achieving orders, maximising efficieny.

Through Sociology, was able to learn to think about society and life philosophically.

Pretty sure people do find me being quirky sometimes, sorry I can't control myself at times to be a good figure all the time.

Anti optimist, anti pessimist. Somewhere in the middle of both, there comes a view.

The ego in me, is bigger than I thought.

My gym routine, has helped me to stay healthy and feel good.

Didn't turn out as I thought. Nevertheless, a process I am glad I am going through.

A serving art which burns brightly.

My alpha numeric code.

My alpha numeric code.

Pretty cliche word. But yes, you only live once.

Typing this in dark, again. Insomnia again. Zombie-look for tomorrow, again.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12.12.12, 12.12am

Alright, at 08.08.08, 8.08pm, I watched the China Olympics 2008 opening ceremony. On 12.12.12, 12.12am, I witnessed in my own eyes, a historical moment. Not only it was a milestone for my team, it was a proud moment of me, being the youngest and the stupidest to be part of the history.

My mid terms is scheduled in 6 days, finishing in 8 days. The world is rumoured to end in 9 days. My Bangkok trip with my family is in 11 days. The year is definitely ending in 19 days. December is always the reflective month. I can't wait for the 2012 reflection and the 2013 resolution, which of course, it is my tradition to post it here.

20 years, 6 months, 4 days old, am I ready to be handed my silver key next year?

Wen Xin

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Foodstagram & Facefood

Embracing the Asian culture, capturing images of food has becoming a social norm in the Malaysian youth. When a waiter presents you the perfect-cooked and well-decorated meal, the ever-ready smartphone is there to take a picture. It is like a prayer before eating. When I asked, done? I started my meal and my friends uploaded their photos to Facebook or Instagram instantly with the 3G or WIFI.

Funny, I feel like Instagram has become Foodstagram and Facebook has become Facefood, or Foodbook, whichever you prefer. Users shared their virtual meals online, often garners likes and comments. It has done the dining place a huge favour of free marketing promotion. In return, it promotes the culture of dining in places which offer Foodstagram/Facefood-quality fod where price is not that reasonable or affordable to majority.

Youth these days are moving towards materialistic capitalism, thanks Karl Marx for the big word. They are spending at about MYR20 for a good meal and having Starbucks as yum-cha session. A Starbucks barista has to work 4 hours for a MYR20 meal and 2.5 hours for a cup of Starbucks. Erm, wait, a Starbucks barista is entitled for unlimited Starbucks by the way. A basic blue collar foreign worker is getting MYR26 for a day. And my Sociology tutor thinks that McDonalds McValue meal of MYR6 is expensive.

Unfortunately, Foodstagram and Facefood have promoted better dining among youth. Sharing is the main idea of Foodstagram and Facefood, there is element of showing off indirectly. It shows your status and your personality. Me myself, somehow addicted to Facebook, God I don't know why. It is a media for me to catch up with friends and to share my humble views in forms of quotes, never a site for emotional letdown or backlash war. Blog is my personal site where I complain (occasionally) and publish my rather bad articles.

I was close to create a Twitter account. And I look at pictures of Candice Swanepoel everyday on Tumblr. She is hot. Facebook shall stay as my sole addiction. Perhaps the reason why I am sick of eating meat is, the excessive sharing of meat on my Facefood newsfood.

Wen Xin

Saturday, December 1, 2012


It was 12.21am, and I was going to have a replacement class on a Saturday morning, supposingly to be waking up in 6 hours.

I met up expectedly with an old friend today and we engaged on a conversation on the topic of vegetarian. I changed my diet to semi-vegetarian in end of April. First question to be asked, what is semi vegetarian? It is where someone adopts a heavily vegetables-based diet. In my case, I only consume meat at most twice a week, usually during special or family dinner.

Second question to be asked, WHY on earth would you choose to be a vegetarian? Isn't it torturing? At each time, the voice inside me are asking back WHY on earth do you want to be a slave to the labour market, sacrificing 15 hours a day on travelling and working. Isn't it more torturing? Perhaps the difference is one can choose to be a vegetarian while one will have to be in the labour force for money. Answering my second question, I just got sick of eating meat, literally.

Most of my friends know the incident which transformed me into a semi-vegetarian. It was my resolution last year but I achieved it this year, with my own will. Since I couldn't sleep, and my mind was switching to its thought factory. I shall write this down as I never phrase my thoughts of becoming a semi-vegetarian into words before. Because I never want to explain myself, if possible.

Firstly, it is due to the fact I was disgusted with myself for acting like a carnivore. When I saw the platter of meat laying in front of me in Tony Romas back in April, I wondered OHMYGOD how many animals have died for my consumption, to satisfy my utility? Oh yes, they are incredibly tasty. But they were born to die where they were killed, skin was peeled, bones were detached, meat was cooked on hot fire with spices, laid on a plate, displayed on the table where consumers were like hungry bears and put them in their fist of stomach.

There are people who hail themselves as animal lovers, pet lovers, etc. Are chickens, cows, lambs, pigs, fishes, ducks, not animals? Just because they are not cute like cats, dogs, hamsters, rabbits? So now there is also inequality in animals, categorised by cuteness or being a pet.

Another discussion about my diet if I take eggs or milk or not. Oh yes, it is my only source of protein and as long as the food does not involve in killing animals, it is edible. Eggs might be regarded as a life in there after a period of time, according to my friend. He related it to a baby in a woman's stomach. I didn't really think or relate to the issue before, because as long as it is not meat, it is fine. The egoistic me wanted to find an answer, that was probably why my thought factory is on, lol.

Well, the question is, if you treat the baby in your stomach as a life, then egg as in the-eggs-you-eat is a life, you are violating your principle. Biologically speaking, if I quote what I remembered learning in form 5, a sperm and the ovum fuse to form a embryo, then a foetus is born. In a real egg form, the eggs-I-eat is an embryo, an embryo is not fully-formed life. The chick in the egg is a foetus, that is life. To sum words up, eating eggs is not killing lives.

My main aim of being a semi-vegetarian, is to consume less meat. There are voices saying 'as if you being a semi-vegetarian will change the world's consumption on meat. C'mon, you are just 1 out of 7 billion people in the world'. I don't attempt to change world, the world is already barely coping with the changes they are facing. Plus I am not that noble. It is a personal choice and I am taking it well, I can't wait for the first anniversary.

I am not sure if in the future, I will adopt to be a full vegetarian. So far the idea of 2-meals-a-week-with-meat works well. But I heard cases that people resume their omnivorous/carnivorous diet after 5 years of being a full vegetarian. So I might give up being a semi-vegetarian, maybe.

I believe things will eventually happen, as long as you have a will, a strong will. My urge to study haven't come along which is bothering me, probably I have a will, but it ain't planting to my mind yet. If one persists on doing something, no one can stop you unless your spirit dampens.

Wen Xin

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Doomsday is near.

An hour journey,
Became 3 hours journey,
Second time in three days,
Been raining cats and dogs,
Station is flooded,
God is mad.
Doomsday is near.

People is ignorant,
Ignorant of the traffic system,
Red light beomes GO,
Green light becomes STOP,
Stop at the same spot,
For 30 minutes,
Doomsday is near.

Critical skills we require,
Criticising skills we develop,
Full of complaints on never ending problems,
Full of excuses on every occasion.
Doomsday is near.

Been falling a lot these 2 weeks,
Been picking up myself again and again,
The world has turned upside down frequently,
The world resumes rightside up,
The cycle goes on and on.
Doomsday is near.

Social media is disgusting,
People know everything of you,
What you eat,
Where you are,
Who you meet,
What you wear,
Where you study,
Who you date,
There's nothing private or personal.
Doomsday is near.

Physically exhausted,
Mentally drained,
Intellectually challenged,
Spiritually empty.
Doomsday is near.

Mad at things,
Mad at society,
Mad at people,
Mad at myself.
Doomsday is near.

People never stop,
System never stop,
Time never stop,
Approaching 21st December.
Doomsday is near.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Ain't a Starbuck-er

Never fancy the idea of students spending RM15 for a cup of beverage just to study at Starbucks. Yet, you will be amazed by the number of students who can actually (afford) to study at Starbucks. For the first time, today, I went to Starbucks, for the purpose of study, since I find home no longer is a conducive study environment. Somehow, the ohm loses its spell.

I realise, it wasn't the cup of superior chocolate that inspired the study, but rather, a companion to study with. Not a discussion group, but rahter, a study buddy to keep track of revision progress. Though yes, I would need to improve the lighting at my study area. Revision works fine to me in library, in fact I love library, surrounded by books and hardworking people.

Vacancy for Study Buddy:
1. Purusing a degree
2. Daily updates and motivations
3. Oozes positive energy
4. Only positive competition
5. Plenty of library dates

At worst circumstances, imaginary study buddy is optional :(

Starbucks fired my bucks,
Wen Xin

24 hours, 1 day.

The most painful and depressing truth revealed, are the principles that you are holding on to are victimising and dehumanising. Instantly, it feels like a stab in the heart, in the heart of a societys by-product. I think my Sociology tutor has a hidden power, like telepathy from Matt Parker in Heroes or mind reading from Edward Cullen in Twilght. For he, always get me into a deep and dark thinking zone every Monday noon, with each lesson higlighting my questions on life.

A friend of mine once stated, 24 hours a day is not enough, if we have unlimited hours, I can do so much more things. I said 24 hours are enough, for people will do exactly the same thing with more unnecessary things, life will be wasted. I have been asking myself to study since last week, telling myself to tidy up the room since 3 hours ago. If procrastination is a power, I am a hero.

Ever since studying Economics in pre-university, I stand by the point that efficiency and productivity should be what we are doing to solve problems in this complicated world. I have been practising to be well-organised in each thing. I have a clothes rotation for college everyday, even my travel mate is able to tell my choice of style each day. Well, the style is not intentional but each piece of cloting is. I have a daily timetable planned so perfectly that I don't follow, since my level of discipline has reduced so much.

I hate delays and being late as it is a form of inefficiency. I emphasise efficiency in family's practices until it annoys my mother. I have been telling myself to be productive as it is a race of time until my Sociology hero said why are people immersing themselves into the pathetic rat race of mankind? Efficiency is the biggest vicitmisation where people are pursuing maximum profit and utility everyday, chasing wealth at the least possible time.

Sarcastically, the arrow is pointing at each of the student because they are the ones studying how to maximise profit for the future. And the institution which is maximising the number of students when students are allowed to study 2 months later after enrolment.

Suddenly, I feel lost than ever, like my life has lost its direction. Before this, the path is winding. Now, there is no path, no principles, no values, no meaning, no soul! 24 hours a day is enough to fix a life and to heal a soul. But there is no substance or a catalyst to initiate it. Even there is, the reaction doesn't last and the counter reactitn is way stronger. God, I am speaking Chemistry, definitely has lost myself.

24 hours again,
Wen Xin

Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Sky of Mine, Falls.

Watched the latest Bond film, it didn't have as many actions as compared to the previous ones and the Bond girls aren't as attractive as the former ones. However, among 3 films from Daniel Craig, I feels as this is the one I best understand the plot. It brings in Bond's background in the style of cold humour, and his patrotism to his country is undeniably greater than anything, than the women.

No doubt M is the highlight of the movie, I loved Judi Dench as M. She is inspiring, a strong female character stands out among the men, most younger, stronger and smarter. She keeps her reasoning rationality to solve her country's crisis to cyber invasion. Most importantly, she holds it strong and still until her last breath.

Lately, I have been feeling bored and lifeless. I am awaken by my alarm at 8am every day, shut it and continues to sleep, because there is nothing exciting awaits me, aimless and meaningless. Productive study days only last for 2 days, and the spirit dies. I refresh my Facebook frequently, despite knowing there is nothing much to see. I shut my room door tight, knowing the voice of vulgarity will still able to travel through the slits of door and the thin wall. I opt for naps to shun the unstable mood, negative thoughts and irritating comments coming from the effects of playing computer games. I immerse myself in two hours of intense gym workout, it is tense but inspiring.

Some may know I like watching Bones, the drama where Jeffersonian's forensic team works with FBI Special Agent to solve interesting murder case. The killer is usually one of the suspects and I always try to guess it. I am right most of the times. There is this particular significant episode, where the forensic anthropologist, Dr Temperance Brennan's life turns upside down in three days. It feels like God is trying to tell me a message to give myself a chance. Telling me that I am not alone, when the world turns upside down in three days, it turns rightside up in another three days. It is the fourth day, and I know solutions are needed, instead of whining and crying.

Facebook has been a place of war, where words are the weapons, newsfeed as the warzone and status as the declaration. I find a lot of complaints rather than sharing of good news or spread of love. From my mad refresh, there are scoldings result of annoyance and unsatisfactory, sharings of someone in between we-know-who's wedding, criticisms of intellectuals on matters, etc. I can't help it but to wonder, is free speech that important afterall, when all things you see are merely complaints, but not a solution towards 'the problem'? I just saw this status of someone, probably a quote copied from somewhere saying that 'Maths may not teach me how to add love or subtract hate, but it teaches me that every problem has a solution' and 'If nothing in the world goes right, go LEFT'.

Those destructive status isn't going to make the world better, I live by the principle where as long as a solution can solve a problem, it is constructive and acceptable as long as it's legal and not immoral. Those words are just complaints when there isn't a solution. Worst still, tehre is a solution but being expressed as a whining problem for pathetic likes. If you are unhappy with life, fix it. If you want abs of Candice Swanepoel's, double triple your workout. If the study or work environment isn't conductive, question your passion and attitude. Back to M in Skyfall, she believes that MI6 is the solution to the problem, despite call of retirement, hearing of justification, threat of death and death of people, she persists with 'strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield'. She strives for better, seeks for solution and finds the cause, not to yield with mere complaints. Though death greets her, she greets back with dignity when 'her job is done'.

It has been awhile where the negativity in me is being absorbing like a wet sponge, there will be time where it is saturated with those 'electrons' that you will need a squeeze, a squeeze that make those ooz out and never come back. When the sky of yours falls, push it back up. When it crumbles, hold your values up and continue the winding journey. 'Life clings to you like a disease', and there will be no cure unless you fight it and stay strong.

Wen Xin

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I wonder.

Sometimes, I do wonder, is it a bad thing to always expect the best out of people? Is it worth the heartbreaks everytime believing people will change or they just react out of rage and out of sense? I think I have done my social roles well, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a classmate, as a stranger, as a student, as a human being in this society.

Unfortunately we are highly dependent of each other. Words are no longer used to communicate but to hurt sarcastiscally. Actions are no longer for doing good deeds but to create problems and achieving selfish goals.

Mid year, I wonder how long I can stay strong in believing a scholarship will fall from the sky. All year long, I wonder how long I can stay strong in believing mankind is good, and there is still something we call, humanity.

I need a break, from all these. A wise friend told me, being too smart is not really a good thing. The more you know, the more scary the world is. Perhaps a Facebook fast for a few days would be good, at least it is an escape from reality to find my focus.

Wen Xin

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Mini 6 Friends Search

Once again, it's been awhile since I last blogged. Approximately 2 weeks ago, I had a good catch up with two of my besties, and I casually asked them, 'do you know how Facebook timeline organise the 6 'little' friends on your profile horizontal bar?' One said it is of random odds, the other wondered about that question too.

After that day, I embarked on a search on the web, similarly some said it is random, and there is already a research/experiment on the topic. It turned out it isn't random or coincidence, as I have already known. According to this website, there has to be some sort of Facebook interaction between you and that particular person for them to show up on your profile's mini 6.

Perhaps due to I am studying Sociology and Statistics, I am drawn to conducting a small experiment to search for my Top Friends on Facebook. I am curious who will be on my list as well. Below are my findings for 7 days:-

  • To compile the top friends of the day, you will need to refresh at least 10 times.
  • The range of top friends varies at 24 to 27 people. Out of my 633 friends, that's around 4% of my total friends.
  • Out of the 24 to 27 people, about 5 or 6 are guys. (Darn, that's sad)
  • 3 out of 4 of my family members are on the list. (It makes sense for my parents to check on me, but my little brother? The one who doesn't show on the list makes sense as well, because he has blocked me.)
  • My secondary gang of girlfriends are constantly on my list too. (Consider the amount of pictures we have together, the amount of time we talked and spent together.)
  • A couple of AISM friends. (Thankfully, are those I care for)
  • More than a couple of UOL coursemates. (Of some which I really wonder why them)
  • A junior whom I never talked to or stalked. (There's only an explanation, I am being stalked, LOL)
  • My current crush (Is it because of me constantly stalking his profile or he sees mine too?)
  • The list isn't consistent, at about 20 people are the same throughout the 7 days, just a minimal of them came on and off. (Probably depends on the frequency of interaction). Those who came on and off are predictable yet surprising at the same time, often they used to/are close but will eventually become acquaintances. 
It has been an interesting experiment, though my findings aren't able to prove anything but the fact that I am pathetic and lifeless, because I would refresh my page countless times so that my crush will appear on my mini 6. When the status bar 'asked' you 'what's on your mind', probably those sociologists on Facebook have already known. Doubt so? At least they know your top friends and able to tell who have interactions that you don't even know.

Cameron Marlow, a data scientist and 'in-house' sociologist in Facebook publishes his papers on studies on social networks and 'trying to understand how the data platforms of the future will change the roles of reseachers in the enterprise and academia'. You probably thought only friends you approved can see your 'stuff', mind you, those geniuses in Silicon Valley are monitoring your moves as well. Scary not?

On how my little experiment can be improved? I shall haul any Facebook interaction and focus on my UOL studies, especially on Sociology and Statistics. This post explains what am I up to, anything but following my routine and plan. Go ahead and find out your top friends, see if I am one of them. Interesting fact is, only you will know ;) 

Refreshing my Facebook profile madly,
Wen Xin

Friday, September 7, 2012

Who's That Girl, Who's This Girl?

It has been awhile since I last read a chic lit book. It was these 2 years where I sort of stopped reading chic lit because I thought it is not sophisticated. But come to think of it, what's wrong with a little chic lit once awhile, I am a girl after all :) So I picked up this book from my shelf of books and had a rather fun and magical journey with it.

Imagine if you could meet your younger self, the tagline spiked my interest. I used to think, if only there is someone to tell me what to choose and how to tackle my pre-university course, I could have ended up differently here; if only there is someone to guide me through the darkness of life, I will be able to have my dream life. But I am so stubborn, I can't really take advice, it's only until recently, I learn to learn.

University has finally started for me, it almost feels like a resuscitation because my life has an aim again. I finally know how it feels to be in university. I came to a realisation long ago about my course, it will be really hectic and tough. But honestly, I didn't know it is THIS tough. It is only first week of lecture but it has just hit me, on the fourth day of university, that I will be going through hell.

Probably if my older self is there to meet me, like how Lottie met her thirty-year-old self, Charlotte Merryweather, my older self might laugh and tell me, 'this is nothing if compared to me now'. Besides constantly been told this is tough course, I have also been constantly reminded to have fun in university. I hope I would.

As Charlotte met her granny self, the older self told her 'life isn't complicated. It's very simple, really. It's us who make it complicated'.

It has just been four days but syllabus are piling up already. There are old things to unlearn, new things to learn; miscellaneous to settle, strategy to form; routine to set, mindset to fix; social life to sacrifice, a hectic schedule to meet.

God, if I can meet my older self in the form of anyone, please allow him/her to be enrich and enlighten me. Thank you.

Wen Xin 

PS: I am afraid if I don't blog now, I wouldn't have the chance to blog in the future :S

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Apple of My Eye

This picture, taken in April 2009 :)

I was reading a list of idioms, until it came to this one, ‘apple of the eye’. It immediately brought me back to a scene a few months ago.

I was on my seat, working hard, or pretending to work hard. There was some discussion around me. So you came with apple in your hand, two apples actually. In front of me, you sang Right Now by Akon. ‘You are the apple of my eye….’ I laughed and commented, ‘juggle the apples’, which of course you didn’t do so. It was one of the sweet and fond memories we had. I knew the singing meant nothing, probably just slipped out from your mouth.

Another scene came floating in my mind, probably an awkward one. I miraculously had a golden opportunity to catch a ride in your car, just us both. I was still not sure is it really out of coincidence, out of God’s will, or what. But once, was more than enough.

We weren’t close, weren’t considered friends either. But sometimes, some people will stop by your life, and make you feel sweet and nice. And you are one of them. I am positive there is a bright future ahead of you, seeing the way you worked. You have shown me my possible position in a few years time. But ‘do I want that?’ will still be a question for now.

Thank you, my acquaintance.

Wen Xin

Friday, August 17, 2012

Preferance and Despicable

On Wednesday night, I have just experienced a powerful lesson from an unexpected figure. All the while, she has possessed as a fierce senior, but she has shown me her view of her adulthood and insight towards life. I wished I can record down the 20 minutes chat we had.

One of the significant sharing we have is 'there is nothing right or wrong, everything is just down to personal preferance'. Similarly to what I have read about Deepak Chopra's quote, 'To be happy, you must realise this: there is no such thing as one and only one correct perspective. The best way to get what you want is to stop being right.'

This morning, the news of Arsenal FC's striker (ex-striker), Robin van Persie left Arsenal for my supporting team, Manchester United. A few of avid football friends have come on a status rant about the departure of a world class striker to the hateful team of theirs. The departure of the Dutch international certainly is a heartbreak for the Gunners fan, but must the backlash game be unleashed?

Afterall, supporting respective football club is just down to your preferance. It is most despicable when people trying to create hatred just because things are not working according to your preferance. I made it known to my friends that I am not a fan of kPop, because I think they lacked of individuality if compared to Western artists. Sometimes I can't stand the overpopular publishing on kPop from friends, that doesn't prompt me from posting nasty stuff because I respect their preferance.

All the while, there are critics about my preferance. Take supporting Manchester United for example, when asked by a new friend, she commented 'typical, typical, typical' on a cynic tone. Isn't it more typical seeing non-Man Utd fans going against a Man Utd fan?

However, I think it is at most despicable of a person is to deny one preferance and attempt to change my preferance to his/her preferance. One of the most ridiculous encounter I have was, this friend of mine questioned me being a environmentalist and to further my studies overseas. No doubt that moment was one of the downturn of the year, having those comments coming from someone I admired beforehand, is harsh and cruel.

'Do you know that bringing your own food container bring more harm to the environment than using those polystrene and plastic bag?' 'Just study locally, there is no difference studying here and overseas, you will just end up the same.' 'If you quit tomorrow without notice, that is unprofessional and your name will be barred in the industry.'

It is at most hilarious to hear that save the environment is bad. On the other side, I have heard there is no difference studying locally or overseas. If there is no difference, why are people leaving the country? The course might be the same, the lecture and tutorial might be the same. But, life in a different culture, degree in a different education system, people in a different environment, will things you learn still be the same?

Not in any ways I will question a preferance someone holds, it is their life and they can have however they want it to be. I just wish that people can actually start respect each other's like and dislike, and accept it. If things are not meant to be that way, why create hatred or negativity out of it. Leave it and shut it. You know you are standing on your ground and that is all it matters.

Wen Xin

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Social Medias

Social media is taking the world by storm. Recalling 4 years ago when I first signed up for Facebook (everyone around me is using except me!) (yes peer pressure you'd say), it disgusted me at that point that people know every single move you made, like every comment you wrote, every photo you like, everything.

Well not really everything 4 years ago. Look at today's Facebook, social media such as Twitter, Instagram, Foursquare, 9GAG, have invaded Facebook, allowing everything of you to be exposed.
Now, you can check in where you are, upload the picture of your fancy lunch, update your latest rant on your status, share breaking news. Any of those would easily garner 'likes' and comments, which is a major turn on and good indication of your popularity. One thing I'd say, it makes ordinary people feels like a celebrity!

Years ago, people wouldn't give a damn what you have on your mind, where you go, what you eat and who are you in a relationship with. Now, with a single update, with likes and comments flooding your notifications, there are actually people who notice and care about you, in a stalker-ish way.

I say this like it is a bad thing. Oh don't get me wrong. These medias serve as a good platform for communication, or rather revolutionise the way people communicate. Whenever I dined in with my family, my brothers will have a special request to find a dining place with wifi connection. They will make me to ask for the wifi password. Alas, while waiting for our food, the family of smartphone users (except dad) are on our smartphones checking out this and that. Social media is addictive, I am trying to lessen my usage on smartphone whenever I am out with family and friends. I think it is rude to indulge on smartphones whenever you are with someone. It makes the companion feels as if his/her existence is less important than an electronic gadget.

One day, 2 girlfriends and I were hanging out in a bar in Changkat Bukit Bintang. We were supposed to have a discussion on a rather important matter, however, they were so busy checking out their phones, and I was sitting there looking, pretending to snap some pictures with my camera. There was literally no conversation for a cool 10 minutes until our meal arrived.

Each morning when I wake up, I'd check on my Facebook before newspapers or breakfast. I went to Tumblr for some fitspiration (a Tumblr term where people look up for fitness inspiration) or some celebrity crushes pictures (Miranda Kerr, Thomas Daley, Chris Mears, Andrew Garfield etc). I checked some celebrity tweets. That's a very reasonably less social medias I am using, considering I am not on Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram, yet.

I can't really imagine how life would be in the future with the robust change in technology. It makes life easier and a lil scarier at the same time.

Chris Mears and Thomas Daley, both have to stop being so hot,
I need to get out of Tumblr,
Wen Xin

Monday, July 9, 2012

Note on Turning 20: Keep it Simply Sweet

Each year, this is the day I can never not post a blogpost about. It is not a very special day, but on this very day each year, it never fails me to have such great pang of gratitude in me. All thanks to people around me, making an ordinary day for them a big special day for me.

I turned 20 on the 8th, auspicious they said, agreed I would ;) Look at this blogpost posted in conjunction with the Beijing Olympic 2008, the characteristic of a 8th person. I flushed with embarrassment with my childish usage of English at my tender age. But I still say, I still fit in the mould of a 8th person, in better shape after almost 4 years.

Turning 20, I am finally able to drop the 'teen' behind my age. This year in particularly, whenever people ask about my age, I hesitantly said 19, most of the times I said 20. Why? Because I am sick of being a teen. The teen years are rebellious and naughty, nevertheless dramatic. High school dramas, little boy crushes here and there, puberty, pre-menstrual syndrome, exam stress...

I wanna leave that era behind me. I vividly remembered when Beyonce turned 30 this year, she said something about being 29 is weird, because she cannot address herself as a woman. Being 20 is definitely something signficiant, well of course 21 is the age where you are officially an adult with the golden key. But to me, 20 is the age where I officially became a lady, advancing to the adventures of adulthood with thrilling excitement and full throttle. This year so far, has been a great year of experiences and opportunities, has well-prepared me and still preparing me for the next decade of defining my future.

The next decade, will be years of pursuing tertiary studies, building a career, finding love, building a family of my own, and owning assets, etc. Responsibilities are piling up, but intimidating yet exciting. Sometimes, it is not that you cannot do it, it is just you don't know how to do it yet. I heard complaints from friends, 'Oh I felt so old'. No offence to my dear friends, I have to disagree that statement very much. At 20, you have almost everything in the world at your feet. I felt younger than ever, being able to venture into a couple of adventures this year, such as the real world of business and economics and the greatness of volunteerism.

On a rather pessimistic-but-not-quite note, this year has been a series of uncertainties for me. Having to recover from a shocking pre-university result which takes months to recover, to facing the real world of hidden hypocrisy and the much-feared office politics, to involving in business and management opportunities, to drastic change in degree course preferance, to no scholarship to fund my overseas dreams.

Of course, it is not all gloomy all way, I have learned so much and so fast. Sometimes I really wish time can slow down at times, for me to grasp all things and reflect myself. I was going to Keep this appreciation post Simply Sweet, but I cannot help it since I don't blog often nowadays :P Okay, I shall proceed to dedicate tokens of gratitude to all people that I cannot thank enough for their effort for my day.

First and foremost, to my family where my home is and my heart lies. My parents have fought hard to ensure a good life for me. It has been difficult for them, where they will have to hide all problems. Thank you and I ensure you I will try my utmost best for your lives ahead. To my rebellious baby brothers, thank you for all the hard and fun times. I know I am fat, but I am healthy and fit as ever.

Secondly, I really have to give it to my girlfriends, Joanne, Saik Ley, Su Min, Shu Tyng, Angie, Michelle, Phoebe, Cassandra, Cheng Ying, Diyana Azman, Yi En, and Deidre. Whom all came together and celebrated with me a night before. It was a heartfelt occasion to see my gang of good friends, just to share time over a meal. Though it was scattered group conversations, but it was a heartwarming catching up with a great camaraderies of high school! Additionally, I had a complimentary firework display in conjunction with my birthday! (Oh well, it was actually in conjunction with Settlers Day 2012 and the launching of Felda Tower). I cannot thank them more, they never fail to make the day extra special for me every year <3

Thirdly, to Joanne, Su Min, Angie and Roxanne. Whom gave me a hair makeover for the night. Thank you for the surprise and I really love the hair. It was a warm glow of contentment to be able to dress pretty together, I did feel like a princess, you guys pampered me too much :P

To special gifts (you know who you are), I love it all, and will treasure it whole-heartedly.

To MVFRA team, thank you for the birthday song and allowing me to serve alongside great people like you, the true unsung heroes of the country. Although I have not officially qualified to contribute and serve, but it is of my great honour and pleasure to learn under your guidance and supervision. There are much more to learn, skills, gestures, attitude, courage and communication. There are still much more to learn to catch your language ;)

Nextly, to birthday texts and calls, Joanne, Lee Fun, Miss Yeap, Aunty Mimi, Ben, Huey Wern, Soo Yee, Rebecca, Fiona, Michelle, Hanani, Zack, Saik Ley, Yun Sun, Cheng Ying, Brian, and the MVFRA team, a sincere thank you for wishing me and being a part of the first day of my new chapter, I truly appreciate it. To all the Facebook wishes, thank you so much, I am sorry for not replying on the day, I made a vow 2 years back, I will never check Facebook on my birthday and holiday trips. It is a need to reply each of you one by one with a better time because if you spend 10 or 20 seconds writing on my wall, I will have to thank you personally with more time. Reading each wishes made me swelled with warmth and joy, thank you for all the lovely wishes.

My sincere apologies to you if I have left your name out, I thank all of you for reading this far. But I am not done updating my day yet :P

8am. I was widely awake for quite some time on my bed, just waiting for the door bell alarm. Three and a half hours later, I was in this house at the so-called upper class area for a birthday party, dressed in a very hot outfit. Not my birthday party, but her party. It didn't hit me about 'that should be me', because I really did have a great time serving and observing. Seeing the smile on the birthday girl and her friends surely had inspired and touched me in some ways.

12pm. 'It was AWESOME', this boy told me. He was soaking wet in his sweat, but he was smiling so wide, that I can't help but to smile with him. He was really cute.

'Come, pass it to the lady', the mother was referring me as the lady. I didn't really know why but the term 'lady' hit me. As mentioned, a new decade of new things, I can't really imagine how it would turn out but heaving a deep breath, I will try.

They were playing water, spraying water with powerful hose for a long 10 minutes. I surely need that to reduce heat. Their faces showed they were having the time of their lives. Relating back to me, this is the time of my life. It has been a while I am lost, it has been difficult to get things back on track, to fix a life that is aimless and directionless. It is not as bad as it sounds, yet, I think the description is appropriate.

Finishing my event, the next hour I was in this house of a powerful and influential man who served the country his whole life. I was deeply inspired when he spoke in a ceremony 2 weeks ago. I shook hands with him and got a pat at the back from him. Pride and success come in all form, I don't know him in person, but he speaks with pride and integrity, celebrates with success and fame.

1pm, the journey back home was a little torturous, the rush of heat was killing me inside out under the suit. But knowing it was fruitful and fulfilling, it was worth it.

2.30pm. Reaching home, freshen up and had a quick rest. I was settled for shopping, just as what I enjoyed on my last birthday. Hit the mall, by myself. Except for this year, it was a shopping spree, not window shopping :) A quick meet up with the bestie and shared half an hour of shopping together.

7pm. My family joined me for a cozy dinner, ordered Macaroni and Cheese after an overhelming craving :) Got a cake, it was a really simple yet costly cake.

10pm. Spent the rest of the night at home, watching Wimbledon finals, it would be better if it was Djokovic in the finals. Nevertheless it was a great match in a stars-studded Grand Slam finals.

11pm. Then it was the political debate. I am not a political person but the debate did spark up something in me. Of course the political content matters, but it was the poise of a leader should possess makes me give me a sudden shaft of determination, that I need to change something in me. There were moments of powerful adrenaline for me as a politics dummy, that me as a Malaysian, knows nothing about the country.

2am. I was watching the crowning of the Wimbledon. Darn it, Andy Murray, you made me cried on my second day being 20. His sheer emotion in delivering an emotional speech, to me, overshadowed Federer's win. Congrats Federer. Murray, one had fought so hard for the finals, overcome and face the immense pressure of Englishman to be crowned as champion since 1936. It was heart-wrenching to see him paying tribute while glistening with tears. Thank you Murray, you have shown what a great fighter should be and what a man should cry for, for great loss, but not for girls.

Thank you if you read it till here. It was a really long and winding one. It took almost 3 hours to write this in front of teevo and 2 hours of editing. It's another slice of life in a brand new chapter, another decade of growing and era of building, hoping for next level of enlightenment and chains of events.

Thanks to you again, for those who care and love.

Much love,
Wen Xin

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Trials, Tribulations and Triumphs

I believe all of you will agree that life is a journey of trials, tribulations and triumphs. If you were to sketch your life of ups and downs, it would probably look like one of the scariest roller coaster in the world. The graph above is my mood graph of the month of April, recorded on a daily basis in my planner, as shown in the post below. Interesting huh? I have this idea in my office, during a short of period of boredom. 

This post was meant to be updated in early April, before my solo adventure to the little red dot island, Singapore. Things that I originally wanted to say, was either forgotten or changed. Obviously things changed after the trip, drastically and dramatically. Somehow I hope things would just slow down a little, for me to grasp and absorb those little details. Analyse each move and decide the best out of it. 

What changes I have in Singapore you might ask? I don't really know how to frame it to words, but I shall try. I felt the trip was a sign of a crucial decision and a message to my future. What is the crucial decision you might wonder? I cannot tell you yet, because I don't know it either. But I do feel, the decision is coming close, real close. As the time is ticking and deadline is approaching, my direction would be clear really soon, not just about university, but which life pathway that I am taking.


Sunday, April 22, 2012

Ouch. It stings.

Catching up with friends make me feel good, just to know how's life has been for them. Usually, it wouldn't be the whole picture of their life, some not even a half or a quarter, but at least, there is an effort of meeting up and keep the friendship flow on.

Sometimes I do feel terribly bad as a friend, because I never (perhaps seldom) make the move to keep in touch with them. But I am really grateful that my friends never give up trying to keep in touch with me.

Two gatherings from this rough week, have touched me in several ways. 'Do you have a dream?' she asked. My mind went blank, I did have, I did. But I can't see it anymore. Something within me has changed and somehow it might wouldn't lead me to the then-dream. I am still keeping faith, but it's not easy to convince yourself.

'I forgot the last time I cried', he stated. In my heart, I tried to whisper 'I forgot the last time I smiled, a genuine smile'. I kept a journal where I recorded my daily mood with smiley faces and otherwise. There are some smiley faces, but it wouldn't last till the second day, usually.

As emotional as this post may sound, no worries pal, I'm fine. Life gets difficult as it goes. It sucks, it really sucks, but it goes on.

Time for a 3-week Facebook fast, gotta find some peace and time for myself.


Monday, April 16, 2012

Destiny vs. Fate

Yesterday, we saw news of Livorno midfielder, Piermario Morosini’s death after collapsing on the pitch during an Italian’s second division football game. Approximately a month ago, Bolton’s footballer, Fabric Muamba’s cardiac arrest swamped the sports headliners for a few days.

Truth is, Muamba survived, Morosini did not. Sad truth is, the media coverage on Muamba was much greater, and it shocked the English Premier League and the whole world that such incident happened on such young player. Muamba is only 24 years old. Footballers from Spain, as presented by the Galacticos (oh the all glamorous Real Madrid players), extended support and condolence to Muamba. The EPL was relieved in joy that Muamba made a spectacular speedy recovery. Unfortunately, destiny was not favouring Morosini.

Reading the stories of these two footballers, I can’t help it but to mourn. According to reports, Muamba is a hard working footballer with so many glory years ahead, no doubt he will make a return, a miraculous return. Whereas we had Morosini, who struggled with his parents’ death during his teens and handicapped brother’s suicidal. Muamba has his loving fiancé, family and even a Bolton team who was close to giving up on playing in a semi-final match. What about Morosini? He was only 25 years old, a year older than Muamba, 5 years older than me. We call it, his destiny? His fate?

According to Oxford Dictionaries, Destiny means ‘the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future. Fate means ‘the development of events outside a person’s control, regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power. It can be concluded that both words carry the same meaning, both are caused by hidden powers, seen as beyond our controls.

Watching Freakonomics the movie, the chapter of ‘the socioeconomic patterns of naming children’, when one of the experts were asked about giving a right name to a child, he laughed that ‘you could possibly name your child Destiny’. I believe the quote is incorrect, I don’t quite remember but it goes something like that. Immediately, I turned to my movie date, documentary date to be precise (thank you my dear, I know you are reading this), and said ‘I do have a friend called Destiny’. Destiny. Such a nice name.
I once asked my mother, we were discussing about Justin Bieber’s enormous success as a teen celebrity when we watched E! True Hollywood Stories on Bieber, about his life as a celebrity, is it destined or fated, does he control his destiny and the fate just come? Both of us couldn’t come out a definite answer, remember my Chopra’s post about there is not one and correct perspective. But we both agreed to the conclusion that it is a mixture of destiny and fate.

It is up to your definition. In my point of view, I believe destiny is what you control, and fate is what you don’t control. Both development of events will necessarily happen, depends how you hold your destiny and fate favours you or not. Take Bieber for example, if he hasn’t post up videos on YouTube, would Scooter Braun discover him? Bieber took hold of his destiny, he doesn’t know he will be a superstar, but he knows he worths something. And then we have fate, who apparently and obviously favours him, Braun found him and brought him to Usher, who became his mentor. The rest is history, you and I know, what fame does the 18 year old man-to-be hold (I believe he is growing up as a man, ironically his music is playing in my office now). ‘That should be meeee’, oh the irony, oh the fate.

Going back to the story of the footballers, Muamba’s life is destined to have more, fate favours him and brought him back to life. We call it, a miracle, or his destiny. On the other hand, Morosini was not as lucky as Muamba, Morosini’s life is destined to be unfortunate, he might have a turning point, but fate still didn’t favour him. We call it, a tragedy, or his fate. I have utmost respect for both of them, one’s life can be so tough and fragile at the same time.

‘Destiny is what you control, and fate is what you don’t control.’ You couldn’t possibly see your destiny or your future. But you can control it until fate comes. Quoting Bridget Menezes, a columnist whom I follow on The Sun newspaper, ‘We are the architects of your own destiny. We are the builders of our future’. Putting a lil adjustment, I believe we are the engineers of our own destinies; God is the architect of our fate, together we create life.

Shooting back the question to myself, do I know my destiny or fate? Life is more fun if you don’t know, but you have to know you do worth something, and you work that something out. That perhaps, is my destiny, I don’t know what is it but I am working towards it. Just on last Saturday, I asked my mother, ‘can someone tell me how it feels heaving the last breath of your life? Is it really ‘that is it’ after that? Can I not die? I am scared’. I guess, when fate has to come, it comes. I wouldn’t have the time to think about all those then.

RIP Morosini, may you have a better life on the next cycle.
Ladies and Gentlemen, of Destiny vs. Fate, your choice.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Heart of Ocean

It was indeed a dream came true. I remembered how I wish I didn't miss it in 1997, when I was 5 years old. Thanks for the 100th anniversary, I got to watch it in silver screen. Somehow I wasn't keen on watching it as soon as it was released on the 5th, not until the right moment came. Yes it was the sudden urge and the perfect timing to watch it on the 14th. 100 years ago, she met her fate and sank on its maiden voyage on the next day 2.20am. I did my research. She sank on 2.20am GMT-3. Given the location of Malaysia GMT +8, it actually happened on the 15th April, 2.20pm. So the best time to watch is 15th April 2012 noon. But I figured 15th wasn't the day where she was beautiful, 14th is the day she was the most beautiful, when she was still the ship of dreams.

Watching it in cinema, especially in 3D allows me to see many little small details, which I always missed while watching the VCD. The small butterfly pin on Rose's hair, the mirror she used, the fate of Ms Trudy, Cora whom Jack's favourite girl is, the small chandeliar in Mr Andrews's room when she hit the iceberg, etc..

Somehow it doesn't feel like 3 hours, it feels like 1 hour plus and I wanted more. During the last hour, there were sobs, of course I was not the only one who cried. Well, of course I'm well prepared to tear up, bought a handkerchief somemore.

I was doing a lot of thinking during the movie, I was relating myself to Rose. Trapped, lost, a bewildered soul. Nowhere to break free, not until she met him. Someone to tell her, there is an option to take, and more journeys ahead. Someone to see her, understand her, help her. Someone.

Its a classic love story, which includes the harsh humanity, possessive, cruel, greed, hypocrism, selfish, social class division; of course with positive notes of courage, woman power, gentleman manners. Oh damn, somehow I can't list down much of the good stuff, aren't we all always drawn to the bad stuff first?

I remembered when I first watched Titanic on teevo when I was in primary school, I rushed to my room and cried my heart out, and I asked my aunty, 'Jack died, why is he standing there with Rose at the last scene?' She answered, 'it just happened, you'll understand in the future'. Of course I figured it out, it is a consolation scene.

Overall, the design of the movie in 3D is alright, I wasn't feeling completely in awe, but it was just nice for one of my favourite movie of all time. But probably thanks to the 3D, I finally understand the distinct mise-en-scéne of the movie where the director James Cameron focused on objects in bringing nostalgic, melancholic, and pain of this tragic disaster.

I think I blogged about this quote before. 'A woman's heart is like a deep of ocean'. It is filled with secrets, and you will never know what is hiding behind her face. During one's lifetime, aren't us ladies trying hard to pretend? Pretend to be smiling, pretend to be cute, pretend to be beautiful, pretend to be like-able. Pretend to be strong, when you are not.

My heart will go on,
Wen Xin

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

big BANG

It is now the fifth month of my internship in the company. I don’t need an internship, moreover a 6 months internship. It is a path I have chosen, a rather unnecessary and difficult path. Two people have asked me ‘so you prefer the harder road?’ For both occasions, I did not answer. Deep down, I answered ‘not to say the harder road, but a road that I can walk with my integrity and pride’. Oh well, it would be the harder road. A road would be easy if you can let down your alter ego, put down your principles and allowed to be led by other voices. I choose, not to.

Back to the topic of this post, for four months long, I have been doing tasks which I never thought myself will be doing in 3 or 4 years. It is one of the moments that you will be so proud of yourself, yet so intimidated by so many greater people. It is only until today I am blamed for not doing a good job, until today I truly feel the pressure of being at the bottom of the pyramid.

In Form 4 of SPM history, we are educated about hierarchy, pyramid structures, dictators… Growing up watching Hong Kong TVB dramas, I am pretty familiar with those dynasties where the emperors rule the people. The ministers, the generals, the concubines, the servants, fight behind the scene for a better life. The same thing happens in a while collar world, only less physical.

Last Friday, it was a letdown to perform poorly which let down my own expectations. Not that I have ridiculously high expectations, but I do solely believe in performing at my standard and not letting people down. Perhaps it was this stubborn attitude of mine, I find it difficult to accept changes and people being better than me.

*Bang* I heard the door. *Bang* I heard a thud in my heart.


Saturday, April 7, 2012

Who Moved My Cheese

Just on last Saturday, it was a random trip to MPH, which is my usual routine whenever I dine in at Great Eastern Mall. As usual, I was just looking through books on shelf. Suddenly, there is a sudden urge to search for this book ‘Who Moved My Cheese’ by Dr Spencer Johnson. I have heard about this book early last year, went to check it out, it costs MYR30 for a 30 pages book. My mind settled down to ‘NO WAY!’

Back to MPH, I found the book and spent 15 minutes reading it. Heck, it’s a pretty darn good business book! I was this close to buy it but oh well, I believe there is an alternative.

The theme of the ‘Who Moved My Cheese’, rather focuses on ‘Change’. It is really a simple story of four different characters on finding the ‘Cheese’. The four little characters represent four common kinds of people in our world. Hems. Haws. Scurry. And Sniff. Each where people can relate to the character and their craving for ‘Cheese’. I would highly recommend this book, or you can ask me for a copy ;) It’s just like a fairytale or bedtime story, only more rational and logical.

Relating myself to it, I was a Hem. Funnily, I thought ‘Cheese’ will automatically be restored when I first lost it. I always think that God love me and no matter what, He will bless me through obstacles. The situation lasted for years, until I became a Haw. I started to notice that ‘Cheese’ isn’t appearing unless I go look for it. These 2 years, I see a major development in me, and now it’s developing even at a faster rate where I wanted to beg it to slow down. Now I am looking at detours and different paths which will bring me to the ‘Cheese’ that I want.

After having relationship with myself for almost 20 years, I do know there is a small part of Scurry and Sniff in me. But I believe it is a long way till I can truly become Scurry and Sniff. There are more to be done and I am still ‘Moving Along with my Cheese’ and ‘Writing on the Wall of the Maze’. It’s not a good feeling when you are walking along the maze, no idea where the new station is. But you will find your station eventually, just have a little more faith, I reassure myself, all the time.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Shut Up and Learn

  It’s funny how when I want to blog about something, there is no time. When I don’t have the time to blog, there is no topic. I want to touch on. I almost want to just blab anything that comes to my mind, but I decided not. 


Alright, recently, I find myself handling situations quite unusual. Usually, I have a say in almost everything, I feel it is important to blab out my oh-I-thought-so-professional opinions and to let people know, I have a voice. However, I start to change this attitude of mine; I opt for a nod, listen to the story, debate it in my head, absorb the good, and expose the bad.

            Surprisingly, it works quite well so far. No doubt it feels weird to not response as much as usual, but sometimes, trying to lose an argument isn’t as bad as I thought. I am quite surprise at how wonderful it actually feel for not having to prove a point. It somehow feels better than winning an argument and spitting ‘you lose’ right at their faces.

Life guru, Deepak Chopra said: ‘To be happy, you must realise this: there is no such thing as one and only one correct perspective. The best way to get what you want is to stop being right.’ That last three words, caught me for quite awhile.

            Stop being right. Stop being right? Why?! Well, I am that argumentative. I question ‘why’ in almost every statement I hear. Somehow, being too realistic, rational or logical isn’t doing any good. I usually tighten myself up, so tight that I realised my shoulders are so tense that it crunches up whenever I am typing. I need to massage my shoulders and remind myself to relax.

            I realise this sooner than later, but I have met people who can’t seem to let go. ‘You can’t argue any further about that’, a comment from C. Sometimes, is not that I can’t argue, I choose not to argue. Perspective comes from what you see and what you have been through. I absolutely cannot question people’s perspective, because I didn’t see what you see and experience what you have been through.

            Of course there are challenges for not being argumentative. What I mentioned last paragraph is one. The other one is staying true to your perspective. Obviously you would need a huge belief in yourself, stand up tall and stay strong to your point without saying it out loud. When you are listening, you are digesting what people say. There must be some sort of influence from those words. It’s about understanding the consequence of the influence and choosing the better one (not the right one, remember there is no right or wrong).

People usually thought you are weak when you don’t voice out your point. Does it matter how he/she thinks? People are sensitive towards what people thinks, the one that only matter is what you think.

            If any one of you are reading this, and feel the need to argue my point, feel free to do so. If not, why not just ignore it if it is not something you agree with? Oh well, we can’t, do we usually ignore politics and gossips? No, we create them. Same goes to an argument.


Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Sea of Thoughts

I am gonna start this post with a lyrics from the much outrageous female musician, Lady Gaga.
'There ain't no reason you and me should be alone, tonight yeah baby tonight yeah baby~'

That particular lyrics is what I thought of for last Tuesday, the much anticipated yet much loathed, the Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is beautiful for 25% of the people, ugly for 50% of the people and nothing for 25% of the people. Why beautiful, it's a celebration, a symbol of one of the most powerful thing in the world, love. I don't particularly get why are there protests for this day, it's not like people only do immoral activities on this very day. Why ugly, it's for those couples' dates who didn't work well, and for a big portion of single people who whines about this 'Single Awareness Day'. Why nothing, for those who don't give a 'sh*t' about it. 

Based on my blog's cover photo, you may see I have a deep affection for white rose. Do you aware that we have something call, the birthday flower? Check out your birthday flower here: As you can guess, white rose is my birthday flower. On Valentine's Day, the price of flowers soared, I don't need a bouquet, just a white rose, will do.

But well, it's not that I receive a white rose. After almost 20 years here, yes I am single, somehow the Mr Right isn't here yet. I am not desperate, nor eager to find one, because I know, he is coming, and he is coming as fast as he can. Quote from Ted Mosby (How I Met your Mother).

My Valentine's Day was somehow unusual this year. It was not that I have a date, I met up with an old friend of mine, and not only it opened up a door for me to walk, it opened up my eyes and saved my bewildered soul. Similarly to last October, this lucrative and tempting business approached me in a way that it will just take a nod to venture. 

I immediately engaged myself in a sea of thoughts, there were debates and voices in my head. A part of me wanted it, a part of me tried rejecting it. I tried to be rational and logical, trying all sorts of way to find out an answer. My mind couldn't stop thinking, at work, at home, in the train, on bed, etc.. That was a moment when I almost think I am going crazy, why it is so difficult to make a decision, just a yes or no.

Somehow, it is not just a simple yes or no. I was intrigued by the system with a desire to experiment. It was an almost yes but I was held back for the fear that I have to change who I am to be in the system. Experiments do go wrong, like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, he ended up being conquered by the evil side of him and died. No doubt it is going to be a very good learning environment, but if it risks losing my own identity, it is a definite no.

After all, maybe I am not as confident as people think I am. A colleague of mine said 'it makes no difference where you study, the outcome will be just the same, doesn't matter local or overseas'. As usual, I debated with him, in my point of view, environment is a huge factor who shapes one person. I imagined myself immersing in the environment as proposed by my old friend, there are two hypothesis.

One, if I were to allow myself to become one of them, I might be successful and rich in a few years time, but on the road to the dream, I might lose myself to the psychological-based system, ended up achieving success in their way, but not my own way. This is not what I want. Two, if I were to allow myself to experiment with the system, I might be strong to stay with my experiment aim, but I will be doubting and lying, losing my sincerity and risking a friendship, ended up to more mind battles with identities. This is not what I want. 

Probably, once a while, there will be an incident like this which makes you scratching your head for answers. I was glad to be approached, because not only it awakened me from my misery and unanswered thought, it reminded me, of what I have been fighting for my own life. I might not have a fixed answer of what I want, but I do know I will do it my way. 

P.S. Old friend, you know who you are, if you have read this, please notify me ;) Nevertheless, thank you so much. I wrote this on my red planner on the day we met, 'No matter how much time has passed, a part of me will always remember you, who gives such significant impacts and fond memories in my life' :)   


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Power of Power

Over the weekend, other than having a good catch up, I watched this interesting science fiction movie, Chronicle. Got to say, the smart and mysterious trailer captures my attention, probably one of the reason the movie is a hit. No first class cast, no world class director or producer, but an interesting plot and captivating young actors.
 Describing the plot isn't gonna do any good here, however, it is very inspirational to see how the director and the cast present one of the most scariest human nature, power. When power dominates you instead of the other round, not only you lose your beloveds and belongings, you lose yourself.

Human being, in any way, is linked to power. We are driven by the power of want. Majority of us pursues wealth, politicians pursue power and popularity, celebrities pursue fame, scholars pursue knowledge, employees pursue promotion, and the list goes on. Take myself for example, for the taste of glory, I want to stay on top of the league. Somehow the power of wanting the success over-controls me, I have done terrible things to achieve success.

In my workplace, it is a perfect experimental environment for power. I see the power of intimidation, working around executives and managers who have better abilities and skills. I see the power of gossips, where it is the center of attention. I see the power of predators where the prey always get bullied. I see the power of over-confidence and over-estimation, where it brings hatred and annoyance. Well, I do see some positive powers too. 

More commonly, one power where people can't stop craving, the power of love. I have seen how love paralyzes one life, making someone obsessive and annoying. Love makes people blind, where they miss so many of other good aspects in life. Valentine's Day is coming up, yes at times I do think about the Mr. Right. But life is too short to revolve around finding someone or thinking about someone who you aren't sure existing.

Well, at least we can have the power of craving, no?
Oh drools. Don't they look alike? Apparently it is not just me thinking they are alike. The younger Leonardo DiCaprio and Dane Dehaan from Chronicle. Some things need to be done effortlessly to present the real value. Dane Dehaan makes Andrew Detmer (the main character in Chronicle) looks effortless and surreal, no doubt most people can relate to him in any ways. After all, we are all just like Andrew, seeking a power that we are capable of, allowing it to over-control ourselves, fall and get back up. Aren't we?


Monday, January 30, 2012

Back to Business

It has been a really long time since I last blogged. I do have a passion to blog, often inspired by happenings and people; I wanted to write it down. There were distractions, there was laziness, there was lack of discipline; those were excuses.

 Fashion photographer, Nigel Barker once said on American Next Top Model, you can’t just have a passion, you have to be passionate.

Recalling my passions and interests these few years, lots have changed, lots have gone. Slowly, when your passions are lost, you tend to lose some identities of yours. I clung on the past for a long time, ‘I used to’ has slowly becoming my quote.

I used to hang out with my pals. I used to play the piano. I used to watch movies. I used to be a bright student. I used to be really confident. I used to bla, I used to this, I used to that.

Yesterday, I witnessed Novak Djokovic, whom I admired on the tennis arena. Partially because of his cute looks, but I was often overwhelmed by his utmost fighting spirit. Having the disadvantage of one less day to rest than his ever-strong opponent, Nadal; having to show he might collapse any time during the fifth match; having to not grasp the fourth set opportunity to seal the title, he somehow magically managed to defend his title, clinch the trophy and set some records.

Screams in joy and tears his shirt with relief, isn't this a gorgeous photo?

It was an inspirational and beautiful moment to see the finalists deliver their speeches. In the arena, they fight like winners, speak like professionals and poise like champions. Quoting Djokovic, there can’t be two winners. 

I felt Nadal’s pain of holding the runner-up’s silver plate, instead of the heavy trophy. Piercing screams of ‘That should be me’ are echoing in his heart, upsetting arguments of ‘Why don’t I do better’ are repeating in his head. At that point, it was painful to stand on the stage, being photographed when the limelight isn’t yours and forced a smile when you heart shouts a cry. That was how I felt on the 15th December 2011, a scene that I wouldn’t want to remember.

Life requires lots of fixing, planning, adapting and changing. I can’t promise if I will constantly update this blog, but I shall try. Try, always try.