Thursday, October 20, 2011

1 Down, 5 to Go.

The title says it all. The hellish week will start next Monday, lasting for 13 days. I cannot wait to clear my books, out of sight, out of fright. I was surprised by the waves of inspiration in the beginning of the week. I wish it didn't die down.

3 papers next week, 3 of my favourites, 3 of my best. Ironically, I am flushed by spasm of horror, worrying that I would not perform well. I am afraid being hit cold by failure and thud of disappointment.

I am very grateful for the support and love given by friends and family, yes I do feel the rush of love. I look up to inspiring figures for motivation. When I look into the mirror, I am one step closer to the finishing line but walking backwards due to hesitation, arrogance, distress and fatigue. Is it worth it?

You and I both know the answer.

In the midst of a serious revival, I ought to toughen up, stop myself from drowning in misery and focus on what I can change.


Sunday, October 16, 2011

The End of a Beginning

Seriously, how many ends will we have? There is only one which is death. But through the journeys and chapters of life, there are countless beginnings where it starts from countless ends. For example, when my mother gave birth to me, it's the end of a 9 month pregnancy with the beginning of a new-born's exploration of life. When I fell while learn to walk, it's the end of babyhood with the beginning of childhood where things are magical. When I finished from UPSR to PMR, from PMR to SPM, it's the end of an exam which I would thought it's the hardest at that stage with the beginning of a harder one. Funny yet ironic. When you first get a boyfriend, it's the end of singlehood with a beginning to a relationship with someone, a special someone whom you would wanna share your life with. When you have broken up with the first boyfriend, it's the end of a relationship with a beginning of another relationship with a better approach and a tougher heart to love.

And now, with the example which is relative to me. When I am going to have my finals in Tuesday, finishing in 3 weeks time, it's the end of a winding journey with the beginning of the path to undergraduate studies, to a hopeful happening journey outside home. The manual countdown on my room indicates there's only one day left :S

You might wanna ask, are you prepared? I wouldn't say yes yet I wouldn't deny. Perhaps it have been a year long difficult journey, my confidence level is gradually decreasing, with a negative thought that 'no matter what I do, it's just not enough!' I have not worked hard to the utmost, I have not been studying day and night (but I do have my afternoon nap with books sharing half of my bed, it's just some peculiar habits I have, and yes, you may laugh), I have not been disciplined and motivated. I am afraid it might cost me my dream, a dream that I dreamt since I was Form 5.

I do believe God is fair. He will give you the returns you deserved. I know my degree of effort isn't worth my desired ATAR, but I do pray hard that He will bless me for the next 3 weeks. I thank God for showing me the motivations and blessings I need. Cristiano Ronaldo whom I idolised for years, yes I would try my best from now, eventhough it's just 3 weeks, to show my dream. Oprah Winfrey whom is so inspirational and powerful, where her show gave me strength to achieve, the heart for love and the will to continue. Mr B.L. whom is the true idol whom I met last Saturday (so starstrucked!) whom wished me with his words and a pat on the waist. My gym instructor who reminded me to 'chill, mate'. Family and friends whom show support, advices and love whom I am so grateful to have them.

Complaning about the lack of effort is no help to the battle, I pray for the best and I hope God will show me the path and the right way. Thank you, and thank you for all. Good luck to all of my comrades, may the best is with you.


Saturday, October 15, 2011

To USA with LOVE

Need not introduction, she's one significant figure in my life. Remembering how we first get closed, it gotta be in 2008, Form 4 when we were destined to sit together in class. From class partners to good friends, from good friends to hubby-wifey, from hubby-wifey to best friends, it have been 4 years and we are still going strong.

Recalling all the sweet memories we have, it's just uncountable. First sleepover at your place, 'attended' Daughtry concert, watched Avril Lavigne's concert, all the after school hangouts, TGIF date, fortnightly catch ups, Singapore trip this June, first photo shoot, the sharing and gossiping sessions, Damansara Uptown adventure, birthdays, more and more. The last memory we had were the day you left. It really didn't hit me till the very last 10 minutes. We sobbed as we hugged, waved, and watched you left to the airport. Yet, the very touching letter you gave, signified our friendship has more to come.


It's hard to find a friend who will always make the move to keep in touch, because I know I am not. It's hard to find a friend who care about you sincerely. It's hard to find a friend who never gives up on me and willing to listen to my complaints. It's hard to find a friend who shares the same interest. It's hard to find that friend, but I am thankful I found you. 


I am not good in expressing love. But when I say 'I love you', it is a huge step and it really means 'I love you'. Dealing with your departure to the States, I am really happy that your dream comes true but it wasn't an easy feeling. There's less outings for me on Fridays or Saturdays, which will make my mother slightly happy. Although there's less communication, but we both know, the friendship is still going strong, because I love you ;)

Happy 19th Birthday Joanne Chong. 
Hugs and Kisses to USA,
From Malaysia with Love.
Sorry I couldn't make something special for your birthday. But you do know, you hold a very special position in my heart <3

Love you so much,

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Girl in the Crowd

I read a magazine article the other day, describing his experience in a women-dominated environment. However, what if it's the other way round?

The picture says it all, being the only girl in a crowd of boys. Somehow it makes you feel special, but at the same time it makes you so fragile, so tiny and so self-conscious in a men-dominating world. Having to study in an all-girls secondary school, basically I am a nun for 5 years. 

For these 2 years, I experienced the situation in the picture. Very intimidating indeed. I am the only girl in the Chemistry class, out of 7 students and a male teacher. Perhaps I was too self conscious, it builds up a tremendous pressure in me. Being surrounded guys who are generally better in all sort of things, make me feel timid and useless. I would constantly remind myself to stop the stupid thought. But it wouldn't go away. The thought haunted me for almost a year. Performing experiments alongside the guys, they speak Chemistry jargon like I never would understand.

Most of the time, I am not listening in Chemistry lessons, somehow I am just not attracted to particles and bonds anymore. On the verge of dropping the subject, his words of encouragement and gaze of kindness popped out on my mind. He would always come and ask 'how are you doing', giving compliments and advice. Deep down, I wouldn't wanna disappoint him. 

Being a typical Asian as I said before, 'A' is something we pursue. The latest Glee episode suggested Mike Chang (drools thinking of Harry Shum Jr) scores an A- which his father says it is equivalent to F in Asia. Very true indeed. I wanted strings of A, I wanted to proof that I can. The egoistic me somehow cannot allow me to give up a subject that I have taken for 2 years

7 days to the flag off, and I am not even studying like crazy. I know what I want and what it takes to get there. But somehow, I am not doing it. I am afraid arrogance has taken over me, leaving lack of confidence and low self esteem in me. I wanted to wake up from these, not to waste any more time. But I can't seem to sit at the study table, looking at words, and write it up. 

I would need to remind myself, this is the last thing I can do if I want to get out of here, to see the world, to experience the culture. I would need to shut myself from thinking. I would need to transform those fear into confidence and motivation. I would need to remember to ease my parents' burden. I would need to make the best out of remaining 6 days. I would need a perfect score to obtain a glory. I would need to remember my teachers' expectations and friends' supports, not to let them down.

Dear God, please bless and help me. 


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Easy Money, Tough Life

I came across to the death if Apple founder, Steve Jobs just 10 minutes ago, he was only 56, died of battle to cancer.

It was very shocking, that the man who transformed the world tremendously, changed the way communication had previously worked and left so much technological impact to this modernised world.

56, not even the age of retirement. He set up the company in 1976, holding on to the principles of innovation and leadership, he was a success, a legend, a genius. But did all of these glories pay off? Did all of his effort allow him to get what he deserve?

I am not a technology savvy, nor am a person who know much about technology and business. But I do know the revolution of the iPad, iPhone, iMac, Macbook and iPod have changed this very generation. We no longer clutching thick books or laptops, all we do is surfing the net or reading through iPad. We no longer talk or communicate often, all we do is Facebook and Twitter or gaming with iPhones. We no longer hear the sound from the world, all we do is stuff our both ears with Beats headphones and listening to the mega playlist on iPods. Kids no longer holding soft toys and Grid Blyton story books because they have much better entertainment applications from iPad and iPhone.

I am very amazed and shocked by these changes and scenes I saw. Even so, a business opportunity came to me two days ago. Once again, I found myself in a dilemma and a sea of thoughts whether technology should be part of education. The answer is 'yes' but the old-thinking me kept denying the fact. Steve Jobs said: Innovation is what differentiate a leader and a follower. World-class leadership mentor, Robin Sharma said: Everyone is a leader and we need no title to lead. Now you see the contradiction.

I am encouraged to be part of the business, to earn what you call, easy money. Being raised in a middle-income family where I don't enjoy easy money and fast success, I am not much a risk taker, that explains why I am reluctant in approaching easy opportunity. Being a typical Chinese Malaysian, I am driven by competition, eager to success, strings of A's in certificates. Probably this is because I don't believe in risks, miracles, opportunities, I am definitely not a businesswoman material.

But what I am clutching on, is still a dream, a valid dream. I may not be a founder of a business company, knowing that I wouldn't have the guts to take risks and leadership to lead. I may not be the richest person or the rich lady with bungalows and sports car, knowing that rich isn't a good pathway after being in a rich culture for 2 years. But what I can be is a person who pursue my achievable dreams, learn from each success and failure, being inspired by each happenings, and discovered more about this world.

People are driven by unlimited wants, there is no end to what you can get in this world. You may call me stupid, but I thank God for allowing me to see through the evilness of greed and the power of satisfaction at this age. Steve Jobs might have had the time of his life through the success of Apple, what's the point of having a legacy if you can't enjoy it. I may miss out to an opportunity to investment and fortune, but I certainly wouldn't want my life to be just surrounded by money, money and money.

RIP Steve Jobs, your innovation had certainly paid off, the world can't thank you much for these lovely gadgets, it's a technological era which you have contributed your life, time and effort. Thank you.

Blogged from his inventions,
Wenx with iPad2 :)