Wednesday, August 24, 2011

That was never my Intention

It was never my intention to humiliate you, you have no idea how much respect I have for you. It was never my intention to having argument, knowing that I can't voice it out spontaneously and couragely. It was never my intention to make things ended up this way, I was this close on finishing the week and the internal exams.

God has been kind to me for the week, but He never makes things easy. This is gonna pull me down, but on the verge of tears when you said (spat is a more accurate word) those cold words, I held my head up high and held your gaze firmly. I'm sorry, I said.

I am not sorry for doing it, but I am sorry that it had to happen and you were upset. 'Don't make this mistake again.' It was never a mistake, it was just when discussion turned ugly, mistake became misunderstanding, a stupid one.

It was ridicule that it wasn't your piercing words that made me cry, but a letter from my friend did. It made me felt honoured to have been a good friend. But with this happened, it upset me, for not being a good person.

I have no regrets at all, but I was never trained to be one with high self esteem. What you see from the outside, 'superwoman' my cute friends said to me, is just an acting that I was trained for long. Inside, I am vulnerable and fragile, but I will never let the weaker side of mine out, never.

Things will not be the same after today. I might not smile at you whenever you pass by. I can't just pretend things never happen, not only we had upset you, you had broken my self esteem when I needed it the most.