Friday, May 27, 2011

Adoring the Green Can

Yes, the green can. On a lifeless Friday night, with a completely exhausted body and worn-out mind, I glanced at the coffee table, a green can with dripping water vapours caught my attention. With a half-closing pair of eyes, I decided to treat myself one.

Sipped, I wish the liquor can just make my worries disappear. I hope the boiling sensation in my stomach can make me sleep better without waking up at 5.30am in the morning. I am relying on the green can to make me feel better. Yes, it has been a bl--dy sh*tty week, maybe I am stressing myself out, perhaps I am not a person who can handle big responsibility or high position. Once again, this will give me a few days of thinking.

When a responsibility is given, you have no obligations but to perform your best. After the week, I might have overrated myself, considering I can manage a given task well. The truth is always hurtful, and the hopes I have given to myself are not reached, expectations are crushed. It's depressing and disappointing to see that happen, but it can be a motivation driving myself to the next challenge, with an improvised mindset.

Stress. When it over-controlled you, you are no longer yourself. What you risk losing is a life, what you might be gaining is the will to put up a good fight, to fight back the rights to have the control of your life. Stress is a manipulative life variable. When it's positive, it will push you to the limit, bring you the glory and taste of success. Oppositely, it might bring you down with the mental game, where you will never emerge as a winner.

Sipping the last mouth from the green can, the bitterness did not make the stress away, indicating that avoiding isn't a way to solve existing problems. I am not ready to face it nor to solve it but I know I am ready to work on changes.

Kisses to the magic green can,

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt every breath you take, is a step to closer to pain? But you have no choice but to inhale?

Have you ever felt when listening to any song, you just want to let the tears out? But you have no choice but to hold back.

Have you ever felt that you no longer have the energy to stay strong, just wanna give up straight right away? But you have no choice but to stay strong even though your battery life is close to depletion.

Have you ever felt to mute yourself, so that you don't have to listen to any noise, any arguments, any piercing words?

Have you ever thought of shutting yourself from the real world, just to get a little more time for yourself, to breath and to think? But time ain't your good friend, mate.

Have you ever wondered what are you fighting for, why are you living for? But why there isn't an answer?

People often ask: How are you?
I answer: Yeah I am good, still surviving.
The truth: Well, you can't really say 'my life is screwed'.