Thursday, April 21, 2011

I've just got 'inception-ed'

Months after this blockbuster thriller was released, I watched it, finally. And yes, I've just got 'inception-ed'! The manipulative plot managed to bring me for a high-flying and thriving roller coaster ride, the idea of planting an idea inside someone's brain using development of subconscious using dream within a dream was total genius, pure genius, true genius. I can't help myself but to bite my fingernails during the last 20 minutes, to see how levels of dreams being solved.

This movie did inspire me about something, of a reality issue, of dreams VS. reality. Some people will position themselves strategically in an imaginative fantasy where they seek for an escape from the polluted and corrupted reality.

The quote by Leonardo DiCaprio, 'You taught me how to use people's mind'. This line of thought got me contemplating, more generally, it's so applicable in our daily lives. I have been observing for quite some time, rereading my diary posts, there are a lot of mind games, ugly dramas and broken hearts. Those who know how to use the psychological method to master one person, the gamer will have a great advantage over the pleaser. It's like a possession, or rather just a cat-chasing-rat game.

'One word for you, stupid!'

Laughing out loud, my mom spat that right on my face. I was in denial, but deep inside, I truly know it was the truth. Between me and the gamer, I will always be the one being shadowed with the gamer getting all the limelight. It's not something I want to fight for, because it's not worth fighting for. But yet, the psychological pressure is so huge that it always become an overwhelming frustration and an admission of failure.

Oh well, I guess I have to use a different frame of mind, using psychology to learn mind-controlling and emotion self-defensing. Dreams and reality, too bad it's always have to involve making decisions between two tempting options. Sometimes in order to avoid the pigeons holes and pitfalls of the past in life, you just have to wake up from your dreams and face your reality. And sometimes you need to re-imagine a dream in order to make the reality come true. Ladies and gentlemen, do you want to live in an architecturally-built dreams or a harshly world?


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Black - The New Red Alert

Friday has always been really interesting and captivating, yes it’s the last day of working or studying, a significant day as you make it through the week, heading to a much relaxing weekend so you can catch your breath and slow down for a while. And yet, recently, we are lucky enough to have a song to sing about Friday, to embrace the greatness of this wonderful day which brings us joy, even some of us, parties till late morning. Thanks to latest (oh well I think I am one month late to post this up) Youtube sensation, Rebecca Black.

What can I say about her? I shall start with the day I ‘discovered’ her. I overheard in my common room, the gang of friends were watching the infamous video, ‘Friday~ Friday~’, I watched for 10 seconds, a Demi Lovato look-alike with weird mouth was the lead singer. And funnily, I blindly asked, ‘Is she the female version of Justin Bieber?’

Dang, I was so right, for these three weeks, on every Friday night, my Facebook news feed will be flooded with ‘Friday~ Friday~ Partying~ Partying~’ statuses and ‘Rebecca Black – Friday (Official Music Video)’. To be honest, I’ve never clicked to watch that video, I am not interested and not wanting as I don’t think there is a need. I’ve read harsh comments about her and it did spark me up a bit to wanting to watch her video. But oh well, no thank you. I don’t need to see a 14-year-old kid as a laughing material.

Yes, the fact that she is 14 years old is scary. The society has becoming a criticizing one (or maybe all the while it has been like this) where people enjoy laughing at people’s act. Who care if she can’t sing, apparently according to my Facebook news feed 2 weeks ago, 30 million people did. Perhaps by now, the music video might gather 40 or even 50 million views.

The truth is, we are all flawed individuals with imperfections. Black may have been accused for sound pollution or for being horrendous disaster for the pop music industry. But the phenomenon of Black reflects the ugly side of human beings, for being disrespectful, for being foulmouthed, and cold-hearted. Information sharing is indeed vital in this digital era, and those videos are perfect as the topic of communication. But I doubt the meaning of this kind of communication, for the sake of keeping in touch, or the sake of catching up a hot trend, or just for the sake of laughing at other people.

Just like Bieber (I’ve posted something similarly to this about Bieber: ), I am defending Black because she is just another victim who has been globalised to be a public social enemy. And this leads to my italic question above, yes she is the female version of Bieber, not the fact of singing talent, but the fact of them being such a worldwide sensation.

This post is not intended to anyone, but I just hope this will give you a good think, is it appropriate or necessary to criticize her that way? Maybe my answer would be different if I’ve watched the full length video. But really, I have better things to do. If there aren’t so many outspoken people, this world would have been a better place.


Back to the picture, ‘where’s Friday’. It’s in 2 days time and it’s going to mark the closing end of my 2 weeks break. Oh well, 1 week holidays to be precise. Though this week has not been a productive study week but I do realize this break has allowed me to rest and to set up routines that I have to practice. With about 6 more months to finish the pre-university course, I have a lot more to fix and a lot more routines to adapt. With hope, I know I can.



Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Circuitous Path of Life

I looked at my phone screen, it stated 2.14am, I forced myself back to sleep but my mind can’t stop thinking of home. Looked to the right through the window grill, why am I here? Why did I choose to be trapped in this place? I’ve become a stranger in a strange land, living with a bunch of unknowns for 5 days 4 nights. I starred at my reflection on a broken mirror, wondering ‘who am I’ and ‘what I am fighting for’. I’ve asked these 2 questions a lot of times recently. There isn’t an answer, yet. From this trip which is like a liberating vacation from the dreadful half yearly exams, what I’ve learned is more to a reinvention of a lost person who has been going at the wrong direction for a long time.

‘Akak, when going back?’


‘Friday cannot?’

‘I’ve school on Friday. You want me to stay?’

‘Yes, stay till Friday.’

Rebecca’s soft voice asked me several times every day, I’ve lost count of how many times. I can’t help myself to look into Sarah’s eyes, her huge eyes with super-curled lashes starred into my inner soul and it gave me a reason to smile.

‘Kak, why are you crying?’

I can’t help myself to break down on the second day, after knowing some of the kids’ backgrounds. I wondered, why are there parents like that, why make the kids suffer, why are they so irresponsible, why is God so cruel to them, why the kids become that violent and mad, why, why, and WHY?! Perhaps I was outta my mind because of PMS, the mild recovery for the exam which has drained out the energy and confidence in me, the killing loneliness, the unexpected call, the terrible homesick… Thank God there are family and friends who helped me through the second day and the kids who put back a smile on my face.

I accompanied Patricia to Brickfields to send Rebecca to kindergarten. Rebecca was smiling all the way, standing wobbly in the bus, holding Patricia’s hand while crossing the road, waiting for Patricia’s nod to walk into the kindergarten and running frantically to the door. Bringing books from the cupboard upstairs to the newly-sponsored bookshelves from the Kiwanis Club of Kuala Lumpur was a good workout. The kids were appreciative for accessing the resources during their free time. They are a bunch of intelligent and hardworking kids who just require a bit of pushing in life and guidance.

‘Do you hate your dad?’


Elizabeth answered affirmatively and instantaneously. She shared me her personal stories and ambition. She cried at night when thinking about her grandfather who is critically sick. I got the chance to celebrate her brother’s birthday on 11th April, they had KFC and a birthday cake, sponsored by a restaurant owner. They were laughing, talking in Tamil where I couldn’t obviously understand at all, they are in a big family, they are happy outside, but deep inside, are they?

How lucky we are to have a family to expect your arrival each day? How fortunate we are to have a home to go back, a nice bed to sleep on? How good our life is, if to compare with those kids? Why are we complaining each day? Based on my observations in life, some people are loaded with fortune, and they can waste their money on unnecessary stuff where those kids floundered helplessly on transport money and pocket money; they can waste their precious time on useless and meaningless things. There is a strong urge inside of me to give them one tight slap and a long philosophical speech. But come to think of it, why should I be bothered? Why wasting my time where I can focus on more deserving unfortunate lives?

‘Kak, write down the formula, I learn after I buy one’

I was holding my old Rubik’s Cube, which has become Luke’s cube. Disappointment is displayed on his face when his first cube is broken. He tore out the old Rubik’s Cube’ stickers and pasted on the Sudoku Cube with glue. He seemed so interested and determined to master the Rubik’s Cube since last evening. That’s something I used to have, I wondered why have I lost it.

‘Kak eaten already?’

It’s funny that I was there to serve my residential project, they are the ones who are serving me, taking good care of me and inspiring me. During my stay, I’ve seen rodents and more big fat disgusting lizards. But what scares me more are the fear of being scolded and beaten up, the need to use violence to protect themselves, the fact that they are fighting for a life, the hardship they have to suffer due to their backgrounds, the pain and sadness that they have endured for losing part of their life, the insecurity, the hardcore discipline…

I was eagerly anticipating the clock to strike 11am on the last day, bidding farewell to the adults, Patricia and Sarah. The other kids were in school, I didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye. But I know deeply in my heart, it ain’t goodbye, I will be back, when I have the chance. Sarah came out from the home and waved to me, the three-second exchange seemed insignificant, but I do know, I have made some changes in them and they have made even greater changes in me. God bless all of them.